Something Right
by melissa.maier.902
Summary: Puck's kept a journal since he was a kid, it's the one place where he can tell the truth about everything. This is how those journals help bring two boys together. AU with some canon references. Puckurt story. *I'm terrible at summaries so give it a try*
1. Chapter 1

**August 5, 2011.** Journal, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the summer. Tryin' to build back my relationship with Finn has been difficult, partly because I don't feel like I should have to work as hard as I am at it. Why does Quinn get off scot-free without all the bullshit drama and fuckin' guilt trips? Don't I get enough of those trips from my Ma, at least when she's around anyway? Frankenteen isn't makin' it easy on me. While part of me gets it – I fucked up – again – big time – but, I'm hurting too! Doesn't anyone get that? Part of me wants to say fuck 'em all. They don't give a shit so why should I? It's just that, since that asshole sperm donor walked out on me and Sarah, Finn's been the one picking up the pieces. Ya, I know, suck it up, put my big boy panties on and get over it.

Speaking of panties… the only fuckin' sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows my whole stupid summer has come from Princess. Who'd have fuckin' thought?! Not me. I guess it's about time I got over myself and man-up with him. I've only been writing his name in stupid juvenile hearts since what? Fifth grade? Ya…

I was supposed to hang with Finn last week, but when I got there he'd left to go to Rach's. Kurt must've felt sorry for me and knew I didn't really want to go home. Ma was there drinking and I'd just managed to get Sarah out and over to her friend's without a fight. So he invited me in to watch a movie. I sat there next to him freakin' out like a damn girl! I don't even know what the fuck we watched. I just kept thinking I couldn't believe we were alone together! Journal, you know how I feel about him and I know I've done some dumbass things to hide my feelings but… shit, I don't even know what I'm rambling about now.

Anyway, so after that day we have actually started hanging out. I knew we had a lot of things in common, but he's discovering it for himself and it's cool to watch. I even help out at the shop. We had this race yesterday to see who could do an oil change faster. Technically he won, but I think I got the prize. He had this smudge of grease on his face, but he just beamed that million dollar beautiful fuckin' smile at me and I couldn't breathe. The next thing I know he throws his arms around my neck in his excitement and I went hard as a rock! His happiness is catchy and I think I'd do anything to keep him smiling at me like that.

We went to lunch afterward, claiming loser buys, just so I could pretend it was the date I desperately want to take him on. We're sitting there at the diner and we both ordered bacon cheeseburgers and he's laughing and says "Noah, bacon? Really? On a Saturday, no less!" I'm thinking whoa! Not only is he amazing, smart and smokin' fuckin' hot, but he knows Jewish religion. Nana would be swooning and I don't feel too far from it myself as I'm sitting there grinning like that cat from _Alice In Wonderland_. We dug into our food when he asks, "Noah, are we gonna still be friends when school starts?" I stared at him for a moment. Then he says, "It's okay if you don't want to, I'll understand, it's junior year and you probably don't want to bring down your rep any more than it already is." That was a giant 'fuck you' punch to my heart. I've been in love with this boy since I was a kid and here he is telling me it's okay to be a douche so I can save my rep… what the fuck? Who fuckin' does that?

I told him no way! I explained I was done with that shit. I'm a badass. I'll be friends with whoever I want. He smiled, but it wasn't a real one. I'm gonna have to prove it to him, Journal. I've been a dick for so long only my actions will speak louder than my words. The rest of the afternoon was off and I kept trying to get back that comfortable feeling. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm damn sure gonna do something. Time for hiding is over – I'm done. We have the next two years and then I'm outta here. I hope I can either take Sarah with me or find her a safe place to be. The thing I know for sure – wherever Kurt is goin' I'm following.

Laters ~

XXXXXXXX

"Hey, Noey. Whatcha doin'?"

"Just finished writing in my journal." I put the book back in its hiding spot under the floorboard under my desk. I turned to look at Sarah, "What are you wearing, Squirt?"

"I'm trying to look like Kurtie. He's so beautiful. I made my own bowtie from some ribbon." She twirled around laughing. "I want to be beautiful too."

"You're already beautiful, Sarah. Trust me; I'll be beating the boys off you with a stick when you get older." I shook my head because that was such a disturbing thought.

Just as I was about to ask her if she wanted to help me make something to eat I heard my ma yelling from down the hall. Then I heard glass break. I looked at Sarah whose eyes were wide with fear. I placed my finger to my lips to let her know to be quiet. I walked to the door and shut it quietly. Snatching up a hoodie from the pile of clothes on the floor I pulled it over Sarah. Then I grabbed my jacket and opened the window. I lowered my little sister out first, making sure she was safely on the ground before turning to grab my phone, wallet and keys. I climbed out after Sarah and picked her up, running for my truck as quickly as I could. Neither of us said a word until we were down the street.

"Where are we going, Tatteniu?"

I knew she was scared when she called me that. I probably should have made her stop since I wasn't her father, but it's something she only did when she was scared or hurt and I just didn't have the heart to tell her not to.

"Let's go see Kurt. I bet he can help us fix your tie." I chuckled, hoping to distract her. It worked because she chattered happily all the way to Kurt's.

When we got there Kurt must have just arrived back from shopping as he was bringing in grocery bags. He looked up when Sarah jumped from the truck yelling his name.

I watched as he set the bags down to scoop her into his arms. I couldn't help thinking what a sick bastard I was that watching them being affectionate toward each other turned me on, but then I thought there wasn't too much that princess did that didn't turn me on.

He looked over at me and arches an eyebrow, "What are you two up to?"

"Ma's drunk again, Kurtie, Noe snuck me out the window." Sarah volunteered before I could say anything, as she rested her head on his shoulder.

I could see his jaw tighten, but he just smiled at her. "That sounds like an adventure. I bet it made you hungry. Do you wanna come inside and make dinner with me?"

"Yea!" She turned to me, "Can we Noe?"

"Sure, Squirt, as long as you behave. We don't want to make more work for Kurt." I smiled at her softly.

"I will," she promised solemnly.

I carried in most of the bags while Kurt carried Sarah. My argument that she could walk was shot down by both of them. I just shook my head and chuckled to myself.

While dinner was cooking Kurt took Sarah down to his room. I sat in the living room flipping channels until Mr. H came home.

"Hello Puck."

"Hey Mr. H. How's the shop?"

"Busy." He lowered himself into his chair. "What are you watchin'?"

"Nothing really, mostly flipping channels looking for something."

He nodded. "Where is everyone?"

"I don't know where Finn is and Mrs. H isn't home yet. Kurt's downstairs with Sarah. He's helping her with her bowtie. She wanted one like his." I smiled over at the older man.

I really liked Mr. H, he was an awesome dad. Early this summer we had a long talk about me being such a dick, Ma's drinking, and Sarah. He was one of the few people I had ever opened up to. I like that he didn't judge me either. He just pointed out that if I really wanted to change my situation I was gonna have to work at it. Since then he'd been super chill with me and Sarah hiding out at his place.

It was really nice because the only other safe place we had was my Nana's house, but she lived two towns over and it wasn't always possible to get there quickly.

Kurt and Sarah came back then. Kurt had dressed Sarah in one of his button-up shirts over her leggings, with a pink bowtie. There was a belt wrapped around her waist making the shirt look like a dress. He must have given her a bath or washed her hair because as she modeled for me and Mr. H I could smell Kurt's shampoo. He had brushed her hair into two ponytails and I could see a bit of lip gloss had been added.

"You look smokin' Sar-bear." I grinned at her blush.

"Noah," Burt rolled his eyes at me. "Sarah, don't mind your brother. You look beautiful, a prefect little lady."

I watched as Sarah ran to Burt and hugged him. It had thrown me off when she had taken to him the first time they met. I had brought her with me to hang out with Finn one day. Normally Sarah shied away from men, but she really clicked with Mr. H.

"Why don't you come help me finish dinner Noah?" Kurt asked. "Finn and Carole should be home soon."

Dinner was good. Kurt was a great cook. Finn and I played video games afterward while Kurt and Sarah took off again. I hid out until I knew my Ma would be gone then stood up and stretched.

"I should probably grab Sarah and head home," I helped Finn up from the floor.

"You sure, man, 'cause you know you guys can crash here, right?"

"Thanks dude, 'preciate it, but we should go."

Finn led the way down to Kurt's room. We both kinda stopped short and chuckled at the same time, but I'm sure for two different reasons. Kurt and Sarah were asleep, spooning together on his big bed. They looked so cute.

"Looks like you're stayin' dude." Finn smirked and walked over to the closet. He grabbed some blankets and tossed them over to me. "Kurt's couch is more comfortable than the one upstairs, plus if Sarah wakes up she'll be looking for you."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem, G'night."

"Ya, 'night dude."

I unfolded one of the blankets, and then took off my jacket, shoes and socks. I removed my shirt before lying down. I stared at the two sleeping bodies, torn between being jealous of my sister and really happy she was somewhere safe. I wish I had my journal with me. I sighed before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

XXXXXXXX

**August 16, 2011.** Journal, I may have had the weirdest, yet most awesome, days of my life today. Get this, I went fuckin' shopping! Clothes shopping, no less! It was really great though and I have Sarah to thank. Yesterday we're at the shop 'cause I'm helping out there in the afternoons to make some cash and it's a job where I can take Sarah with me. Anyway, we're having a soda break in between cars when Sar asks when I'm taking her school clothes shopping. I thought Princess was going to choke to death and for a minute contemplated mouth-to-mouth. "Noah takes you clothes shopping?" he asked. Sarah giggled before launching into this speech about how awful I am about shopping and how she's always feeling so rushed. I guess those were the magical fuckin' words because the next thing I know Kurt's telling Burt none of us will be in to work tomorrow 'cause we're all going school shopping. Mr. H just hands Kurt his credit card and pats me on the shoulder.

This morning Princess picked us up and we drove up to Columbus. He said the mall there was better. Sarah bounced in her seat the whole way there – you know like she's on one of those sugar rushes. I save up all summer just to take my sister clothes shopping every year, but I was worried I wouldn't have enough with the way those two are going on and on about different outfits.

Once we get there, Kurt pulls out this list he made last night that has all these stores he wants to go to and what items are on sale at which stores. It was a little imitating but all kinds of awesome to see the smile on Sarah's face.

By lunch time I realized I wouldn't have to work out for the rest of the week. My guns were gonna need the rest. I groaned about the need for food and to give my wallet a rest. Kurt suggested a restaurant instead of mall food. I didn't care as long as I got to put the bags down. As we ordered the waitress looks at us and says what a cute couple we are and how our daughter is so well behaved. HOLY SHIT! Kurt turned like two shades of red… and fuckin' Sarah goes "ya, my Dads are the awesomest." I tried not to laugh – really, I tried – no use though, I was laughing so hard I had to wipe the tears from my eyes when I finally calmed down. Kurt kept giving me strange looks. When I asked about the looks he said he thought I would freak out and get angry about someone assuming we were a couple. Again, I felt like someone punched me. I know it's only been a couple of weeks but, I really thought Kurt knew I changed or was still changing. I think he could tell something by the look on my face 'cause he quickly stammers something about people changing and how he should learn not to judge. I was only half paying attention. Then Sarah throws me under the bus – so much for having my back – telling Kurt that I'm a big softy, that when I'm grumpy it's usually an act.

The thing is, after that, he treated me different. He was more playful, laughed more, and seemed more relaxed than I had ever seen him. He even dragged me into a store that caters to little girls – saying "Come on, dad!" while grinning. I swear that grin causes a boner every time I see it!

We ended our trip with a stop at Office Max for school supplies. On the way home I noted that not only had we managed to get all of Sarah's clothes and supplies, but we had our own supplies as well. I even picked up two new journals. I wound up even getting four new pairs of jeans and a couple of shirts. Not too bad for a whole day out. Best part – well, second best – I still had money left over. I offered to buy Kurt dinner as a thank you for taking us and helping me with Sarah. He smiled and said we could stop somewhere on the way home. I really wanted to grab his hand and hold it! I think this proving to him that I can be a good guy thing is going well. When he looks at me there is a light in his eyes and he smiles more. I even think he's getting used to touching me – or at least not looking like I'm gonna bite his head off if he does. So I'm gonna count it as a win even though I know he's still worried about school starting next week.

Laters ~

XXXXXXXXX

I shut my alarm off and jumped out of bed. It was the first day of school and I'm kinda excited. We hadn't seen or heard from Ma all weekend, but it was just as well. I didn't want Sarah upset on her first day of seventh grade. As I hopped in the shower I couldn't help thinking back to my first day of junior high. It hadn't been a good day so I'm determined to make it good for her.

I got dressed quickly and went to go wake Sarah up.

"Noey," she yawned, "What's the matter?"

"Nothin' Squirt." I try to inject some excitement into my voice. "It's the first day of school, Small Fry. You need to get up and get showered. I'll make breakfast."

Sarah jumped up. "Yes! Kurt helped me plan the perfect outfit. It says 'I'm totally badass and in charge'."

I couldn't help laughing. "I'm sure he did."

"When are you gonna make a move on Kurtie, Noah?"

"What do you mean?" I hollered as I walked into the bathroom to get the water going for her.

"You know what I mean," she huffed with her little hands on her hips. "You haven't gone out with a single Kurva since you started hanging out with him."

"Hey! Where did you learn that word?"

"Ma says it all the time," she mumbled as she looked at the ground.

"Ya, well, it means 'whore' and I don't want you sayin' it anymore – got it?"

"I'm sorry Noah." I could see her eyes were bright with the beginning of tears.

I pulled her to me as I sat on the toilet and hugged her tight. "Sar-bear listen to me, okay? I know I don't watch my language and I normally let you get away with things you probably shouldn't say, but I want better for you than that. I don't want people to look at you and treating you the way they do me. It's bad enough we have to live with what Ma brings down on us, don't add to it."

She nodded against my shoulder as I hugged her again. "Alright, let's get movin'. You hit the shower and get dressed. Don't forget to brush your teeth. I'm gonna make breakfast then I'll drop you off on my way."

"I love you, Noah," she leaned up and kissed my cheek.

"I love you too, Squirt. Now hurry up."

We had breakfast and hurried out the door. It had taken me longer than I planned because Sarah wanted her hair up like Kurt did it and I couldn't quite get it. We compromised somewhere around the third try.

XXXXXXXXX

**September 4, 2011.** Journal, first day of school was a giant cluster fuck! After a rough start with Sarah in the morning I got to school just in time to hear the bell ring. So much for being on time for once. I thought the day was gonna pick up when I walked into English class and noticed Kurt was there. I walked over to sit by him, but he kinda hissed at me asking me what I thought I was doing. I didn't understand, but then he says for me to go sit with the others before someone notices me talking to him. I moved in a bit of fog after that – I mean what the actual fuck is going on? Then at lunch I'm sitting with the other glee kids and he purposely sits as far away as possible. I even lifted my arm to take a whiff making sure I didn't stink. I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

So then it's the end of the day and I'm thinking FINALLY I'll get to talk to him during glee and find out what the hell is wrong but NOOOOO! He wouldn't even look at me. I was so fuckin' pissed I had a Finn moment and kicked a chair. Everyone turned to look at me, but I was too pissed to give a fuck. I marched right up to him and asked, "What the fuck, Hummel? Why the fuck are you avoiding me? And why won't you talk to me?" He blushed before answering. "Noah, I'm just trying to save your reputation." I cut him off and told him that was bullshit. I don't give a fuck what people think anymore – I spent too many wasted years of my life worrying about the opinions of the losers in this God-forsaken town and I'm done with it. Either he's my friend or not… which made me hold my breath the minute I said it – 'cause what if he said no?! He didn't though; he apologized and promised he would be a better friend. I released my breath and kinda sagged into the chair next to him.

It was awkward after that. The others were staring at us – well except for Finn – he was his usual clueless self. It didn't get much better either. After glee I tried to get Kurt to talk to me, but he said he had to go and we could catch up at the shop. Then just as he was about to go along comes Azimio and he makes like he's gonna shove Kurt into a locker. I stepped in between them. I told him "don't even think about it." He looked at me in shock before it turned into a sneer. "Turning fag, Puckerman? I knew Homo Explosion would get to you." No one questions my badassness – no one! So I shoved him into the lockers and got right into his face. "Fuck you, lard ass" I growled. He shoved me back before turning to walk off. When I turned to make sure Kurt was okay he was gone! I'm so fuckin' confused, Journal! I get it – really – I know he doesn't know what you know, that I've been in love with him since we was kids but why is he rejecting my friendship. He says he's forgiven me for being a douche but then turns around and ignores me. I wish I had someone to talk to – maybe Santana? I'm just not sure she can keep her big yap shut though. Normally I would talk to Finnocence but that's a no go. We may have been getting along lately but he's still holding back. Plus I can just imagine the bullshit he'll say when he finds out. It's not that he's a bad guy, I love him like the bro he is, it's more like he knows too much about me to let me get away with anything and honestly, I have no fuckin' clue what to do with that.

I went and picked up Sarah before heading to the shop. Burt said he would help and fill out all the first day paperwork. I told him I would sign them as I'm listed as a 'guardian' on all her stuff. While they're in the office I started on an oil change until Kurt comes in. Right away he starts yelling at me about what the hell I think I'm doing getting into a fight with Azimio. I told him I didn't understand the problem here. I wasn't about to let someone hurt him anymore. He growled at me! Legit fuckin' growled at me! If we weren't arguing I'm pretty sure I would've grabbed him and kissed him. I could feel my control slipping. He must have said something I wasn't paying attention to 'cause the next thing I know he's throwing his hands up in the air and muttering about stupid jocks as he walks away. WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO? Shit! I'm to the point where I can't take it. I want to grab him and tie him to a chair and just tell him how much I want him until he believes me, or maybe let him read my journals - huh? I wonder if that would actually work. Maybe… either way something has to give.

Laters ~

XXXXXXXXXX

_Earlier that day… _

Burt and Sarah looked up as they heard yelling from the shop. Kurt was really letting Noah have it, but the taller boy looked confused.

"I wonder what that's about," Burt muttered out loud.

"Noey's in love with Kurt," Sarah blurted.

"What?"

"People think 'cause I'm young I don't know things, but Noah has never treated me like that – we talk." She smiled at Burt before going back to her homework.

"He said he's in love with Kurt?" Burt took off his hat and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I've read his journals. He's kept one since our father walked out on us. I think it was like fifth grade or something when he first starting crushing on Kurt, but now it's love. Noe was scared of it at first but he's coming around, you know, trying to do right by Kurtie and earn his love. I think it's sweet and totally about time – none of those girls Noe dated ever gave a shit about him – well, except maybe Tana but she's just like him so there's that." Sarah never even looked up when she spoke.

"What does Kurt think? Do you know?"

Burt was surprised by a couple of things. One, he wasn't upset to learn Noah had feelings for Kurt like he always thought he would be when Kurt finally got a boyfriend and two, he really liked the Puckerman siblings. These kids had been handed a shit deal, but they stuck by each other and Noah really had done a hell of a job raising Sarah even though he is just a kid himself.

"I think Kurt does feel something for Noe but he won't admit it, not even to himself. I keep dropping hints but you know how stubborn Kurtie can be."

"You got that right! Gets it from his mother for sure."

Burt chuckled at the raised eyebrow Sarah gave him.

"Okay, maybe he gets it from me too! Don't be such a smarty pants young lady."

"Well I wish they would get their act together. I think Noe's gonna get desperate soon and that always ends with him doin' somethin' stupid."

XXXXXXXXXX

The following weeks at school were more of the same and I was seriously getting tired of it. We'd fallen into this pattern and it sucked! At school Kurt would barely acknowledge me unless it was in glee, but after school it was like it had been during summer. All this back and forth was making me fell like a fuckin' yo-yo.

Not to mention the other jocks were giving me shit anyway. I'd been in three fights by the end of the second week. There was no way I was backing down. Those fuckers didn't know who they were messin' with.

The good thing about all this was my relationship with Finn and the other 'glocks' was getting better. Mike even complimented me on the black eye I gave Nelson when I caught him trying to slushy Tina. It wasn't just Kurt I was protecting, but Kurt was my priority.

Still I seemed to be in a holding pattern with him and I was beginning to feel desperate. Something was gonna happen – I just didn't know what or when. I thought about just coming out. I even planned it out in my head. I could just stand up on one of the tables at lunch and shout that I was in love with Kurt. That would certainly get his attention, but I was terrified that with the way he ran hot and cold lately, this would push him over the edge.

XXXXXXXX

**September 28, 2011.** Just what I need, Journal, more fuckin' drama! I'm in the locker room changing out after practice when all of a sudden I'm surrounded by Azimio and some of his goons. They started giving me shit about the glee kids and Kurt in particular. It was getting pretty heated when Karofsky comes out of nowhere and stands next to me. Adams was pissed off but Dave's like "just leave him alone, dude" and "why do any of you even care what Puck does?" I was kinda shocked. Him and Az get into it verbally for a bit but when one of the guys shoves Dave into the locker – it was on! I could see the minute the fire lit in Karofsky's eyes and the next thing I know Strando is out cold. Damn! I think I should invite Karofsky to fight club some time :)) Anyway… two of the other guys grab my arms but Adams and Karofsky are just standing there toe-to-toe. I think neither wants to throw down with their BFF and honestly I was shocked Dave even stuck up for me. I used them as a distraction to headbutt one guy in the nose while I kicked the other's legs out from under him. We went down hard and I think I bruised my fuckin' shoulder but just then Bieste comes busting in the locker room hollering. We all wound up getting detention for a week. Adams says this ain't over and I told him he knew where to find me.

After everyone cleared out I thanked Dave. He gave me a strange look before he started talking. "I know you have feelings for Kurt and the reason I know this is because whenever I stare at him I almost always catch you doing the same thing. The thing is, I can see him stare back at you – I figure that's gotta mean somethin'. I don't wanna fight with my best friend but I can't keep doing this either. I wanna find someone for me and I don't wanna be afraid anymore." I told him I understood and that I would do whatever it takes to keep him out of it. He told me to watch my back as he left. I certainly didn't see that coming. It hit me on my way to get Sarah that we'd unofficially came out to each other back there and it didn't freak me out one bit. I guess that says more to me than anything else.

So of course just to make sure my day is topped off with a shit Sunday, when Sarah and I get home Ma's here – already drunk. I quickly sent Squirt to her room and told her to lock the door as I gave her my cell phone. Ma and I went at it pretty good and I guess the screaming got to Sarah 'cause the next thing I know I'm dodging plates and glasses being chucked at my head when my Nana walks in the door. She starts screaming at Ma in a combination of Hebrew and Yiddish, I think, 'cause I'm getting about every third word or so. Nana's a fierce old broad although I'd never say that to her – she'd kill me! It took a bit but eventually Nana got Ma to leave. Neither of us really cared where she went just as long as she was gone.

I started cleaning up the broken glass before Sarah saw it but Nana told me to leave it before she dragged me into her arms and held me. I totally didn't mean to start crying, but everything just got to me – so there I am crying like a fuckin' five-year-old on my Nana's lap. Words just started coming out. I told her about Kurt and how much I loved him and how fucked I was if I couldn't get him to accept me. I spilled about the fighting at school and how bad things were with Ma. I'm not even sure what else I told her after that but she just rocked me and let me get it all out. She didn't pass any judgment; in fact she didn't even really say anything. We cleaned up the kitchen and then I went to find Sarah – I was sure she was hiding somewhere. I finally found her in my closet buried under my jacket. She had Kurt's bowtie he gave her and her teddy bear tucked under her arm. She started crying when I pulled her to me and let me tell you it broke my fuckin' heart. I don't know how to protect her sometimes and I worry all this bullshit is gonna fuck her up for life.

Nana found us both and told us to change shirts. She took us to dinner. Luckily when we got back Ma still wasn't here – I wasn't looking forward to round two. I told Sarah I had detention for a week and that Nana would pick her up after school and stay with her at our place until I got home. She asked Nana if they could go to the shop after school instead of home because Ma was usually here during those hours. I think Nana agreed but I was kinda out of it by that time.

Just another fucked up day in fuckin' paradise…

Laters ~

XXXXXXXXX

**AN: Well? What do you think? Let me know… I love to read your thoughts and I try to respond to as many as I can. Hugs, Melissa**


	2. Chapter 2

Being the badass stud that I am, I should've predicted this would happen. I just didn't think those cowards would have the balls. I guess I was wrong.

I was leaving detention, headed out to my truck when they attacked. I never saw exactly who was involved, but when I felt the bat connect with my ribs and heard the resulting snap, I knew this was going to be bad. I know I got in some really good hits of my own. Yet, there were too many of them and several hits later I was about to lose consciousness when one of them spoke.

"This is for defending your freaks, Puckerman. Your little fairy is next."

Then everything went black.

Drops of water brought me around. Was it raining? I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn't cooperate.

"Oh, Noah. Hold on, please. The ambulance is on its way."

Soft hands held my head. I tried to speak; I needed to warn him to get away before they found him too.

"Kurt…"

It was all I could manage before the blackness over took me again.

XXXXXXX

When I came to, I didn't recognize my surroundings at first. It hurt to breathe and my head was pounding. I cracked one eye open, then quickly squeezed it shut again as nausea gripped me. I could feel something warm wrapped around my hand. Taking a deep breath, I slowly willed my eyes to open. I couldn't focus out of one eye at all, but with the other I was able to take in the room. I turned my head slightly and another flash of dizziness and pain seized me.

It seemed like forever before I was finally able to get both eyes to cooperate. There was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen holding my hand while sleeping with his head resting on the bed. I felt like I should know who he was, but it wouldn't come to me. In fact, the more I tried to think the more I realized I didn't know. For the life of me I couldn't even remember my own name, yet I knew I was in a hospital.

Trying not to disturb him, I gently pulled my hand from his and trailed my fingers along his porcelain cheek. It felt familiar like I had done that many times before. He stirred sleepily.

"Oh, you're awake! Thank Gaga, Noah. I was so worried."

Huh, guess my name is Noah. I stared into big, beautiful blue eyes for what felt like several minutes. They took my breath away. This boy he felt like home and warmth, but I couldn't remember his damn name. Finally I was able to find my voice.

"You're gorgeous," I whispered. Not my smoothest I'm sure, but it was all my brain could come up with.

The blush that stained his cheeks was so pretty. His eyes went wide before the lids lowered to a sultry half-mast. Wow, if that wasn't the sexiest thing I'd ever seen… well, that I could remember anyway.

"Thank you," he sighed.

We just stared at each other. My hand was still caressing his cheek as he leaned into the touch. His skin was like silk beneath my fingertips.

"Question," I croaked and had to clear my throat. "What's your name, beautiful?"

Those perfect eyes went wide with fear and started to tear up, his breath hitched.

"No, no, no… this-this can't be happening…" he muttered. "I'm going to get the doctor, Noah. Don't worry, we'll fix this. We have to fix this."

He started to stand up. I gripped his hand as tightly as I could.

"Please, don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, Noah. I promise. I'm just going to get the doctor. I'll be right back, I swear."

I nodded slightly. Movement was still causing me pain.

I watched him head for the door. He seemed to float instead of walk. I noticed his long, sexy legs encased in tight denim. I noticed how amazing his ass looked. It didn't even seem wrong to devour him with my eyes. I must have made a noise because he turned back toward me and smiled softly. Then he was gone.

I told myself he would be right back. I closed my eyes and told myself to stay calm, but I couldn't. As soon as the door closed behind him I started to panic. Scenes that I couldn't identify started to flash behind my eyelids. A school and a parking lot first, then I could feel the bat against my ribs. I heard the sound of breaking bone. I heard laughter.

I didn't realize I had yelled until my angel was back, his arms wrapped around me, rocking me gently.

"Shh, Noah. I'm right here. Right here."

"Don't know… what h-happened to me…"

The doctor came in at that moment.

"Mr. Puckerman, we're glad you are awake. You gave us quite a fright for awhile."

"Doctor, Noah doesn't know who he is, or who I am." My angel let go of me to speak, but kept a hand on my shoulder lightly.

The doctor looked at my angel and then at me. "Well son, it says here your name is Noah Puckerman. You're a seventeen-year-old junior at McKinley High School here in Lima, Ohio. You were attacked yesterday afternoon while leaving school. Does anything sound familiar?"

"Just now, I had some flashes. I remember a bat. I remember the pain."

My angel gasped as his free hand flew to cover his mouth.

"I remember your voice; you were holding me, telling me to hold on." I squeezed his hand the best I could.

"It's not uncommon for patients who have suffered head trauma to have temporary memory lose. The fact that things are coming back in flashes so soon is a good thing. It's going to take some time for your mind and body to heal." The doctor gave us both a warm smile. "I'm going to order some tests for tomorrow, but if everything comes back alright, we'll see about sending you home by the weekend. I want to give you some more time to rest before we move you. You suffered three broken ribs, your sternum has a hairline fracture and you have about forty or so stitches in your head. I'd say you're entitled to a little R & R before we start poking around your brain, alright?"

I looked at my angel; he was fighting to control the tears that were streaming down his face.

"Is that okay?" I asked him.

He looked at me, then at the doctor, then back to me. "Noah, whatever will help you heal, is fine."

"Okay doc. Tests tomorrow then." I smiled slightly at him.

"Good. Let the nurse know if you need anything." He addressed my angel before he left. "Have Noah's parents been notified?"

My angel growled. The sound caught me off guard.

"His mother is off on another drinking binge and no one knows where she is. I called Noah's grandmother, but she is taking care of his little sister and is unable to drive at night to come down here. My step-mom, Carole Hudson-Hummel, is a nurse here and she's listed as one of Noah's emergency contacts. She's the one who consented for his treatment."

The doctor nodded his head. "Alright, have the nurse page me if anything changes between now and tomorrow. Noah, get some rest and I'll see you first thing in the morning."

All I could do was nod my head. I was still in awe over the growl that came from my angel. It sent shivers down my spine and was strangely erotic.

Once the doc was gone, I pulled on angel's hand to get his attention.

"What happened to me, angel?"

"Angel? Noah, honey, my name is Kurt."

"Huh, you look like an angel so that's what I've been callin' you in my head."

He giggled. It sounded like wind chimes tinkling in the breeze. It was a beautiful sound.

"Kurt, what happened?"

"You were attacked yesterday after school. Those stupid, Neanderthal, homophobic jocks jumped you. By the time Finn and I found you, you were unconscious and barely breathing. We called an ambulance. You woke up for a minute before passing out again. I was so scared, Noah. I didn't know what to do. I just held you and cried until help arrived."

"I 'member you holdin' me. You were cryin'? I thought it started to rain. Who's Finn?"

"Finn's my step-brother and your best friend, big goofy guy, not too bright, but with a heart of gold. Ring any bells?"

"No, not at all. Only thing I remember is bits and pieces of the attack and you. I remember being scared for you. I think someone threatened to hurt you. It made me fight harder."

Just then Kurt's phone rang. He looked at the screen.

"It's my dad, Noah. I have to take this."

I just nodded at him and continued to play with his fingers. He smiled.

"Hey, Dad. Ya, I'm still at the hospital. Noah just woke up." There was silence for a moment. "I don't think so, Dad. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember who he is or who Finn is, just me." More silence. "I know that, but I can't leave him… fine, then, I'll rephrase that - I won't leave him. It's the same thing." His dad talked for a bit. "Honestly, I'll be fine." He smiled at me and stroked my cheek. "Yes, Dad, I'll call if anything changes. I love you too. Bye."

He hung up and went to sit back in his chair. I pulled on his hand and he arched an eyebrow at me.

"Come sit next to me." I tried to scoot over without bringing on too much pain.

"No." He shook his head at the same time.

"Please."

Kurt stared at me for a few seconds before climbing up next to me. He was very careful not to jostle me. I took his hand again and threaded our fingers together. I couldn't resist bringing those fingers to my mouth and placing small kisses on his knuckles.

"Kurt, how long have we been together? Remind me how we met."

He went paler than I thought possible and tried to tug his hand away. "Noah… we're not… I mean… you're not…" He trailed off as he began to rub his temple with his other hand.

"What is it, babe? You can tell me."

"Noah," Kurt looked at me with those eyes and I could swear he was staring into my soul. "You're not gay, Noah. You and I, we're just friends. Barely friends if I'm one hundred percent truthful. Up until the middle of last year you used to…" I watched him bite his lip and hesitate, "you used to pick on me and throw me into dumpsters."

I hissed at his words and felt him go still next to me.

"No way, no fuckin' way! That's not possible. I know what I felt in my flashback earlier and I know what I'm feeling now. There's just no way I'd do that, not to you at least. I may not remember much, Kurt, but I know how I'm feelin'."

"I don't know. I mean you've changed a lot this past year. You joined glee club and you stopped bullying a lot of us. Over the summer we started hanging out and I think we were getting along; we seemed to have things in common. Plus this year you've gone out of your way to be protective of most of the glee kids, myself included. That's friendship, Noah, just friendship."

"Maybe for the others, but not you. I feel more for you. I had to – I mean I do – it wouldn't have just started when I opened my eyes a little while ago. Damn it, Kurt! I know what I'm feelin'."

"Okay, Noah, okay. Calm down, please." His eyes were bright with unshed tears again. "We'll figure it out. I promise. I just want you to get better."

"Don't leave me, Princess, please."

His breath caught and he looked at me with huge eyes. "Do-do you... are you remembering? You used to call me that all the time, but I always thought it was an insult."

"It doesn't feel like an insult. When I look at you, you're so beautiful, I feel like I should protect you, lock you in a tower where you can't ever be hurt. Like a princess."

"I always thought it was because I sing like a girl and I tend to be a diva at times." Kurt tried to change the subject, "You know, you sing too, Noah. You have a beautiful tone to your voice when you sing." He sighed and carded his fingers through my mohawk.

I leaned into the caress. My mind was playing back everything he said. It didn't mesh with how I feel. Briefly I wondered if I had a secret crush on him.

"Kurt, you said I'm not gay, but my body says something different every time you touch me. Is it possible I had a secret crush on you?"

Kurt snorted, and then blushed. "I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but you're kinda a man whore, Noah. Last year you knocked up your best friend's girlfriend and you've slept with just about every cheerleader in our school. I won't even go into the cougars around town you've been with."

I groaned at the new information he had given me. Why didn't anything he was sayin' feel right? Is it really possible to be one person and then wake up a completely different one? I didn't have any answers and I was beginning to feel really frustrated. Kurt picked up on it right away.

"Hey, relax. It'll be alright. They'll do some tests tomorrow and your memory will come back. Everything will go back to the way it was, give it time, you'll see."

"Honestly, the way I feel right now, I don't want to go back to the way it was. If going back means I'm a douche and I don't have you – then I don't want it. I'd rather have no memories, but have you."

His hand in my hair stilled. I looked over at him and he was biting his lip again. I used my thumb to pull his lip from his teeth and run the pad of my finger along the soft flesh. I cupped his cheek to bring his head down to mine.

It was just a soft brushing of lips against one another, barely a kiss, but it felt like an electric shock to me. Kurt pulled away quickly. I couldn't tell if he felt it too.

"You need to rest, Noah." He started to get up but I wouldn't let him.

"Fine, but will you sing to me? It might help me relax." I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his waist.

Kurt giggled. "Who knew you were such a big cuddle-baby, Noah? Yes, I'll sing to you, but you should let me up. What if someone comes in here and sees this?"

"S'all good. Fuck 'em. I don't care. Just sing, okay?"

I was out like a light before he finished the first verse and I had no idea what he was singing. His voice was amazing though.

XXXXXX

I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke I could hear Kurt arguing with someone else. I was still wrapped around his body and I could tell he was trying to keep from waking me.

"… damn it Finn! I'm telling you he didn't even remember his own name." Kurt used that same tone before when he had spoken about my mother.

"So what? You just thought you would make a move on him? I thought I knew you better than that."

"Finnigan Christopher Hudson! Are you insinuating I'm trying to take advantage of Noah?"

Even I could tell Kurt was upset, hurt, and angry. I lifted my head and opened my eyes.

"Dude, I don't know who the fuck you are, but no one talks to my angel like that." I growled at the newcomer in my room. I also tried to sit up, but my ribs protested causing me to hiss in pain.

"Oh, Noah! Don't move like that." Kurt slid out from under me and began to fuss at the pillows propping me up comfortably. "Is that better?"

"Thanks, babe." I tried to smile at him, but he was avoiding looking in my eyes.

"Babe!" The gigantic dork by the window exclaimed.

"Ya, babe. You got a problem with it? You can fuck off and leave." I took Kurt's hand that was straightening the blankets and tugged.

When he finally looked at me, he sent me a small smile.

"Are you okay? Who is this loser and why is he harassing you?" I asked.

"Dude! I'm your best friend! How do you not remember me?" Giant boy moved closer to me and I could feel Kurt stiffen up.

"Look Gigantor, I don't know who you are, but I don't see how you could be my best friend and then insult someone I care about."

I heard Kurt gasp beside me. I continued to glare at the tall guy while I squeezed Kurt's hand.

Kurt was the first to speak. "Noah, this is Finn. He _is_ your best friend; remember I told you about him earlier? He's also my step-brother. His mother married my father. You sang with our glee club at the wedding."

I tried to concentrate. I got a brief glimpse of Kurt in a tux dancing with the tall boy, but it faded before I could be sure.

"Then why's he being such a dick, babe?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and glared at Finn. "Because before he was my brother I had a crush on him. Which I am way past, thank Gaga! He thinks I chase all the straight boys. You know how us _gays_ are!"

"Jeez, Kurt! I didn't say that! You know that's not how I meant it. I just came in here to see how my friend was feeling and I find him cuddling with my little brother. What was I supposed to think?"

"You could ask? Maybe not assume or accuse! That'd be nice." I could hear the frustration and tears Kurt was fighting in his voice.

"Look dude," I addressed the big guy while holding onto Kurt's hand. "I don't remember anything except for some flashbacks, but I remember Kurt. I look at him and I know what I feel. So you need to stop being an asshole."

"Finn, Noah, just please stop." Kurt reached for my hair again. I briefly wondered if we weren't close before, how he knew that made me calm.

"I'm sorry, Puck. It's just a little much to take in right now, ya know?" Finn flopped down in the chair next to the bed.

"Do you want me to leave and give you two a chance to get reacquainted?" Kurt was smiling softly at me.

"No, babe. I want you right here, please?"

Kurt climbed back up on the bed and I relaxed into him as much as possible.

Finn started talking about when we met in elementary school and little pieces kept coming back to me. I started to remember certain events in bits, but not people's names or what they meant to me. The only thing that came through strong was Kurt. I wasn't surprised to hear that we had known each other since childhood. I, however, was distressed to learn and partly remember some of the horrible things I had done. I couldn't figure out how Kurt managed to forgive me or Finn for that matter, but apparently he had.

Kurt would chime in from time to time adding a different perspective to the stories Finn was sharing. Mostly, he just lay there, holding me, and running his fingers through my hair. After a while between Finn's voice and Kurt's hands I started to fall back asleep.

Finn's excited shout brought me out of my near slumber state.

"Dude! You kept a journal!" Finn jumped up and started pacing around. "Puck, you started keeping a journal when we were in like fourth grade or something. You always wrote everything down in there. Songs, poems, random thoughts – everything! If we could find it, I bet it would help you get your memory back."

"One problem man," Finn stopped moving to stare at me. "I have no clue where it would be since I don't remember writing in one."

Finn's face fell. "Oh, ya… man this sucks!" he groaned.

Kurt cleared his throat. "I have an idea." I looked up at him and Finn sat down.

"Well," Kurt explained. "I could go to the house and look for it, but I'm not sure how comfortable I feel going through your things Noah. Sarah on the other hand, is your little sister, and I bet if anyone knows your hiding places it would be her. Do you want me to call her?"

A big smiled formed on my face as I nodded my head. "Yes! Babe, that's a great idea. Call Sarah now, please." I'm clung to the hope that my journal or whatever would have stuff about Kurt so that he would know I did like him and that I was serious.

I watched as he dialed and I could hear a young girl on the other end. I started to remember little things about my sister and I was happy more things were coming back. As Kurt spoke animatedly to Sarah I promised myself that memories or not, I was not letting Kurt go. I was determined to make him mine. I just didn't know how to do that yet.

Kurt shut his phone and turned to me with a smile.

"Good news is Sarah knows where it is and will be happy to give it to me. The bad news is the only way she'll do that is if I help her with an outfit for a dance she has coming up and if I bring her to see you, Noah. She is quite upset with everything that's happened."

I had to chuckle. I mean I didn't really know how I knew this, but I felt like this was totally something I would do, so my sister must have taken after me.

"Okay, well, go get her babe. Tell her to bring the book and we'll do the dance thing later."

"I can't Noah. One, Sarah was firm on her conditions and two; I rode in the ambulance with you. I haven't been home in a day and a half. I don't even have my car."

"Shit," I muttered. Kurt just chuckled.

"Bro, I'll take you home. You can get cleaned up and come back here. Tomorrow you can help Sarah and get the book. Sounds simple to me!" Finn beamed at us.

"I don't want to leave Noah alone, Finn." Kurt told him softly.

"Hey, babe, why don't you sing me to sleep like you did before? Then when I'm sleeping you can go and come back before I wake up." My plan sounded reasonable, but I was already feeling anxious about him leaving me.

"Are you sure?" he asked me while searching my eyes.

I tried to put on a brave face and think good thoughts. "Sure, I'll be fine." It sounded weak even to me.

It didn't look like he believed me. Just when I thought he was gonna call my bluff he picked up his phone and made a call.

"Hey, Carole, it's Kurt. I was wondering if you would do me a huge favor. I don't want to leave Noah, but I need some clothes and my car. Would you gather up some things for me and bring them to the hospital in the morning?"

I couldn't help smiling at his compromise. I listened to him rattle off the things he needed and my smile just grew, until I looked over at Finn. The tall boy was doing a pretty good fish imitation while gaping at his brother.

"Dude, what is your problem?" I asked as Kurt hung up.

"He never lets anyone go in his closet, touch his stuff, and he damn sure doesn't let anyone drive his Navigator. I'm just in shock right now!" Finn exclaimed as he jumped up again.

"Grow up, Finn! It's for Noah." Kurt admonished him.

I couldn't have helped the smug smile on my face even if I had wanted to, which I didn't. My boy had feelings for me and I was determined to do whatever it took to make them grow. I wasn't going to lose him.

The three of us talked on and off for awhile longer until the nurse told us visiting hours where almost over. She asked if Kurt wanted them to bring in a cot. I think she could tell he wasn't leaving.

"Why do you get to stay?" Finn whined.

"I haven't left Noah's side since they wheeled him into this room. Well, with a brief exception of going to the nurse's desk for a moment. Plus, I've already met all the nurses on this floor and Carole introduced me to some when we first arrived."

He didn't seem happy about it but Finn finally left. I was just happy to have my angel to myself.

XXXXXXX

Kurt turned on the TV and handed me the remote. I lay my head on his chest as I flipped through the channels. I came across _Project Runway_.

"This is your favorite show, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes," he smiled down at me. "How did you know? Are things coming back to you?"

"I don't know how I know, I just do. Doesn't make any sense, huh?"

"Its fine, Noah. Don't try to rush these things, just relax so you can get better and we can get you out of here."

We watched in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Kurt was rubbing my back and shoulders as I melted into him. At some point I must have fallen asleep.

I woke up from a nightmare, yelling. Kurt had moved to the cot they had brought in, but my shout brought him right back to me.

"Shh, Noah, shh. It's okay, I'm here." He held me and rocked me softly. "It's just a dream, you're safe."

"Kurt, I remembered who it was. I remember the attack completely."

"Do you wanna talk about it? Tomorrow the police might stop by and ask you questions."

"Can I have some water first?"

Kurt moved off the bed and brought me a glass of water from the pitcher the nurse had left earlier. When I was done drinking, he placed the glass near the bed and climbed back up next to me.

"I was leavin' detention, headed to my truck. I remember Azimo, Strando, and Nelson. There might've been others, but those are the three I saw for sure. They came at me from behind and hit me with a baseball bat. I managed to stay on my feet and fight back for a bit even though there were too many of them. Azimo spoke at the end. He threatened you, Princess. I don't want you anywhere near those clowns until I get out of here and take care of them once and for all."

"Noah! No!" He squeezed me tighter until I grunted from the strain on my ribs. "Shit, sorry! but... Noah absolutely not! You're gonna let the police handle this. You could get sent to juvie or something. If you do, then what? Not only will they win, but you'll leave Sarah and me here alone. Promise me, Noah; promise me you won't do anything stupid?"

"I can't just let this go Kurt! What if you had been with me? Or what if they found you alone? I can't take that risk. It's gonna be my word against theirs and they have the numbers to back each other up."

"Maybe somebody saw something? Maybe I can get Rachel to talk to Jacob Ben Israel and see if there were some witnesses?"

"Babe, do you honestly think someone is gonna come forward even if they did see something? Everyone will be too afraid. I'll tell the police everything I remember, Kurt, but I guarantee they won't be able to do anything. I will protect you and keep you safe no matter what."

He stared at me for a long time. I could see all his emotions swirling in those baby blues and my heart sped up. He leaned in and I couldn't resist.

I captured his lips with my own; licking his bottom lip gently until he opened up for me. I heard a soft moan, but I couldn't tell which of us it came from. Kissing Kurt wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before. Instinctively, I knew I'd never been kissed like this. I felt branded as I ran my thumb along his jaw, like my whole being wouldn't be complete without his.

I felt Kurt's body harden under mine and it made my toes curl. There just wasn't any other way to explain it. I couldn't care less how girly that made me sound, it was the truth.

Kurt pulled back from me. He rested his forehead against mine while trying to catch his breath.

"Noah, we can't… we have to stop. You're hurt and we're not… you're not…" he groaned before kissing me again. This time it felt like he was trying to commit my mouth to memory by exploring every part.

The next time he pulled back he jumped off the bed.

"What the? Princess?"

I watched as he tried to slow down his breathing. He was such a beautiful shade of pink from blushing.

"I'm sorry, Noah. Dear Gaga, I'm sorry," he panted.

"Wait… what? Why are you sorry?"

"Noah, please. I know you think we have some-some connection or something, but we don't. I will admit you are so beautiful, Noah – how could anyone not find you gorgeous? But you're straight and we're friends. When all your memories come back you'll see that and then it will be awkward between us and I don't want that."

"Kurt, stop telling me how I feel. I know I don't remember a lot, yet, but I know this…" I waved my hand down my body drawing attention to the erection that was standing tall. "This doesn't happen when you're not attracted to the other person. If my ribs weren't killin' me right now, I'd have thrown you back onto this bed and I'd be provin' to you just how much I want you right now."

The pale boy let out a squeak as he eyes went wide and traveled down my body. I could feel the heat of his gaze.

"I-I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

"I know, baby. I'll slow down just-just come back to bed, please. I really just need to hold you and have you hold me."

"No more kissing, right?" he asked as he moved closer.

"If that's what you want, Kurt. We'll go as slow as you need, but I'm not gonna give up. You need to know that. You and me – we're meant to be together."

When he finally came back I cuddled him into my good side.

"Good night, Princess."

XXXXXXX

The next morning when I woke up Kurt was nowhere in sight. I started to panic. I felt like something would happen to him and I wouldn't be there to save him.

Just then a nurse came in.

"Good morning Noah. How are you feeling today, sweetheart?" She leaned down and kissed my forehead. This seemed a little excessive to me and I guess it showed on my face.

"Oh! That's right; Kurt said you didn't have all your memories. I'm Carole sweetie, Finn and Kurt's mom. I've been looking after you since you were in kindergarten."

"I'm sorry I don't remember. Finn was telling me stories yesterday but not everything is comin' back."

"That's okay. Don't rush it. Just worry about getting better."

Carole fixed my pillows and then looked over my chart.

"They have you scheduled for some tests today. I'm going to get you something to help you relax. Do you feel like you could eat anything? Maybe some soup or something light?"

"No thanks. I'm really just looking for Kurt. Do you know where he is?"

"He's taking a shower in the doctor's lounge. I brought him some clothes and his car this morning. He said he's going out to your house to see Sarah."

"Ya, Finn told me I kept a journal. Sarah says she knows where it is so Kurt's gonna get it from her. Hopefully it will help me remember things."

She smiled at me and proceeded to go get me some medicine.

When she returned, I asked,"Carole, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, honey. What's up?"

"I remembered the attack but the thing is – I remember feeling afraid, just not for myself, but for Kurt. Then when I woke up here in the hospital I knew, even though I don't know how I knew, that I have feelings for Kurt. Romantic feelings. He says I don't and basically I was a dick to him. I'm confused as to how that's possible?"

"Hmm," Carole sat down in the chair. "I believe you."

"You do?"

"Yes," she smiled. "I think I could tell Kurt was special to you since you were kids, but you went through a tough time with your dad leaving. Then your mom started… well, that's a different story. Either way, I think you've been hiding your feeling for a long time. Sometimes you hid behind some destructive behavior. I've noticed that since this summer something has changed. You and Kurt have been getting closer and I've seen you let your guard down with him."

"So you think I stand a chance?"

"I think you are an amazing young man, Noah. If you put your mind to something there is no limit to what you can accomplish. Plus, I don't think Kurt's as immune to you as he pretends to be. Don't give up sweetheart. I believe it will work out in the end."

"Thanks Carole. I appreciate that."

She stood up and headed for the door. "I love you, Noah, like my own child. Burt does too. Lean on us if you need to, we'll always be there for you and Sarah. Now, I'm going to get you something to eat before they come to get you. Try to relax." Carole smiled sweetly before leaving the room.

XXXXXXX

A few minutes later Kurt walked into the room. My soup had just been delivered, but it remained untouched. He smiled at me and sat on my bed.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Don't feel like it. I'm worried about these tests, Kurt."

"Don't be, you're gonna be fine."

"I'm already fine, babe." I couldn't help smirking at him.

He laughed. "It appears your arrogance is a natural part of you if you can still make comments like that."

"Na, I just wanted to see you smile. It makes me happy."

His blush was beautiful.

"Okay. Noah, are you going to be alright if I head out to see Sarah? Your tests aren't scheduled until after lunch and I want to be back by then. If I leave now I should make it."

"I'll be okay if you kiss me before you leave." I watched as his eyes snapped up to mine. I just grinned.

He stared at me for a minute before leaning in. Just as my eyes closed I felt his lips brush my forehead and I pouted.

He chuckled softly. "Never thought I'd see the day Noah Puckerman pouted."

"That wasn't very nice Princess," I folded my arms across my chest and instantly regretted it. "Ow!"

He pulled my arms away and held my hand. "Noah, listen to me, please. When you get your memories back, and if… if you feel the same way, then we'll talk about it, okay?"

"Well you're not giving me any choices now, are you? But you know what? That's fine. I'll prove it to you – one way or another."

Kurt kissed my head again and headed for the door. He turned back at the last minute and I swear I heard him say, "I hope so." Then he was gone.

XXXXXXX

**AN: I want to thank TVTIME for being not just a wonderful beta and correcting my punctuation and grammar BUT for helping me organize my thoughts and always being a friend I can share with. You're the best! Hugs, Melissa**


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt pulled into the Puckerman driveway and fixed his hair.

"Well I better get this over with… I hope Nana isn't like Noah's mom," he said aloud to the empty car.

He didn't even get to ring the bell before Sarah threw open the door and launched herself into Kurt's arms.

"Kurtie! Is Noey okay? I was so scared. You're gonna take me to see him, right?"

"Slow down Sarah." Kurt looked over Sarah's shoulder at a matronly-looking woman who was coming from the kitchen with a smile. "Come in Kurt." She smiled warmly at him and he began to relax.

"Thank you." Kurt kissed and hugged Sarah as he lifted her into his arms. Even at eleven Sarah didn't weigh much and they both appreciated the closeness.

"Nana this is Kurt, Noah's lyubovnik he told you about."

"Ah! Khaver! Welcome, welcome." Nana gathered Kurt and Sarah into her arms for a hug. "Are you hungry ziskeit?"

Kurt nodded. "I could eat." He carried Sarah into the kitchen.

It smelled fantastic! Apparently Nana had been baking all morning. She served Kurt a plate of Rugelach and pushed him into a seat. Sarah slid herself into the seat next to him when Nana brought over a plate for her.

"So tell me, how is my Noah? I can't drive as much as I would like anymore but I need to get over there." she sat across from Kurt with a cup of tea.

"Physically he'll heal, he has some broken ribs and needed some stitches, but he's got a hard head so there's that. His memory is the big thing. Some things are coming back to him but a lot of it is still blank. We're hoping his journal will jog his memory. The doctors are running some tests, just to be safe, this afternoon but they seem fairly confident that time is all it will take."

Kurt took a bite and couldn't contain the moan as the rich pastry and still warm fruit filling danced across his taste buds. "Oh my Gaga this is amazing!"

Nana beamed while Sarah chuckled.

"My eyniklekh here tells me you're a good cook as well. I'm glad my Noah found himself someone who can feed him!" she chuckled.

"Umm, Mrs. Puckerman…"

"It's Nana, bubla," she said as she patted his hand.

"Right, Nana, umm, Noah and I are just friends." Kurt glanced at Sarah in time to see her roll her eyes.

"Oh, no, no, no. My Noah told me all about his lyubovnik and you are definitely more than friends," she laughed. "But he did tell me you were hesitant because of his bad behavior, yet Sarah says you are fixing that as well, which is good, very good! That boy needs a firm hand and a lot of love. Lord knows he didn't get it from either of his parents."

Kurt nodded politely and continued eating. Inside his mind he was freaking out. Noah had told his grandmother about Kurt and apparently a lot more. He made a mental note to get a Yiddish/Hebrew dictionary and start learning fast.

"I'll go get Noah's journals Kurtie," Sarah informed him as she took her plate to the sink. "How many do you want?"

"Excuse me? How many are there?"

"My last count was last year and there were probably about twenty then, but some of them are just music he writes, so we probably don't need those, right?"

"Ya, I don't think those will help much. Why don't you just grab just a few? Maybe the last one and the current one and we can go from there."

"Okay." Sarah beamed at him before running off.

"She is very fond of you, almost as much as Noah." Nana smiled as Kurt blushed once again. "Tell my grandson I will be up to see him tomorrow after I take Sarah to school. My friend Moira offered to drive me around since I can really only do small trips."

"Have you heard from his mother?" Kurt didn't really care but he didn't want her showing up at the hospital making a scene.

"She called from Columbus this morning. She's checked herself into a center there, hopefully she will get the help she needs this time." Nana brought her cup to the sink and started washing the dishes.

"This time? She's been there before?"

"Unfortunately, yes. My son's always been a rambler. I hoped when they married and had Noah he would settle down but he didn't and poor Nora she fell apart. I tried to help but she shut me out. She shut everyone out. Then she started drinking. Sarah was about four the first time she tried to clean up but it only lasted about six-months. Noah's pretty much raised Sarah since then. I hate that I can't do more for them but she becomes more agitated when I step in and usually takes it out on the boy so I try to help from behind the scenes."

"You do fine Nana." Sarah commented as she walked back into the room. "Noey takes care of me and now he has Kurtie to take care of him."

Nana just laughed.

Sarah handed three books to Kurt. "Remember the dance is Friday, you're gonna help me put together an outfit right?"

"Yes, of course, you'll be the belle of the ball." Kurt smiled before looking down at the books in his hand.

He ran a hand lovingly over one of the covers without realizing it. Inside were Noah's thoughts put into words? Kurt was a little intimidated about what he would find inside.

Sarah and Nana shared a knowing look.

"Let me read you something," the girl took the bottom book out and started flipping through the pages. When she found what she was looking for she looked up at Nana, smiling softly, before turning to Kurt and started to read out loud.

**December 18, 2010.** Journal, Hanukkah's coming and I am wishing for the same thing this year. The courage to tell Kurt how I feel! With all the bullshit in my life, thoughts of Kurt and Sarah are the only things that get me through the day. My Ma's useless as a functioning human let alone a parent and I want to hang myself when I think about the baby too long. I don't know where I'd be without them. Sarah's my rock, so precious to me – my reason for getting up in the morning. But Kurt – fuck – just seeing him even from a distance… ya, pretty sure I will NEVER be good enough for him, but that doesn't change anything.

Today he wore this sweater that looked so soft in this shade of blue that made his eyes practically pornographic. I was sure my tongue was hanging on the ground. That and he had on the tightest pair of jeans I've seen on him yet. It shouldn't be legal for him to look that good! I just wanted to touch him and for a moment I convinced myself I could do it – I could admit that I'm in love with him – but as soon as I got close to him someone slammed a locker and I jumped. This caused me to knock into him shovin' him into the locker. He looked at me with such disgust. My heart broke a little more. The thing is there's no way he could hate me more than I hate myself! I'm such a fuckin' coward. I say I'm a badass but I'm nowhere close. If I were a true badass I would tell him the truth – I would man up – I would admit the truth. Everyone thinks Quinn was my "one" but the truth is she's just the closest substitute to Kurt as I could get. It was never her, it will always be him.

I wound up in the nurse's office "taking a nap" because it's the safest place for my tears. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to fix this – how to fix me – into something he will think is worth a damn…

"Sarah! Stop please…" Kurt had tears streaming down his face. "I-I didn't know…"

"There's more," she said.

Kurt shook his head 'no,' "I think I've heard enough right now. Besides we have to get going, Noah's having tests done and I promised I'd be back before."

Sarah handed him the journal and then hugged Nana before hurrying off to get her jacket and backpack. Kurt was going to help her with homework while they waited.

"Kurt," Nana placed her hands on his shoulders, "my baby, he's done things he shouldn't and you are completely justified in not forgiving him, just, if you don't, could you let him down easy? I don't want to lose him."

Kurt had no words. He just nodded and hugged her, turning for the door quickly. He had to stop crying before he got back to the hospital.

When they were in the car and on their way, Sarah turned to Kurt, "I didn't mean to make you cry, Kurtie. I just wanted you to know my brother the way I do… you know, like the softer parts."

"It's fine, Sarah, and you're right I do need to know the softer parts."

They held hands and softly sang along to the radio all the way to the hospital.

XXXXXX

The minute they walked in the door I knew something was wrong. I could see it on Kurt's face and even though my memory has taken a long walk off a short pier, I just know something happened. His eyes were bright like he was trying to keep from crying. The little brunette girl standing behind him peeking at me must be my sister. She keeps looking at me, then at Kurt, then back to me. Finally I watch her give him a push that startles him.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "Sarah you can go hug your brother, just, be careful of his ribs okay?"

I found myself with a lap full of little girl a moment later.

"I missed you Noey. Did you kick ass on whoever did this?" Sarah hugged me gently before easing back.

I had to laugh. I totally remembered Sarah as I pulled her back to my side. My mind was playing a home-movie of scenes with the two of us together. I had raised this little girl and tears started to form as I leaned down to kiss her on the head. The only person I loved as much as Sarah was still standing at the end of my bed staring at me like he had never seen me before.

I noticed he had several notebooks in his hand. I assumed those were my journals. My eyes locked with his and I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but then it hit me, he'd read something. I didn't know if it was good or bad and the not knowing was starting to get to me.

"Kurt?" I whispered, although I have no idea why.

Sarah slipped off the bed and went to Kurt. I watched as she took his hand and led him over to me, sitting him down on the bed.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna use the bathroom." I'm pretty sure she smirked at me.

I cleared my throat. "What happened? What's wrong?"

He shook his head before moving closer. "Nothing's wrong, Noah." He smiled, "Are you nervous?"

"A little but when I saw Sarah everything about her came back to me. I remember everything about her so I'm feelin' hopeful."

"You're going to be fine, Noah. You'll see."

I was just about to ask what he had read, 'cause I was pretty sure that's what had happened, when the nurse came in with a wheelchair to take me upstairs.

Kurt helped me out of bed and into the chair. He kneeled down and kissed me on the lips softly. "I'll be right here waiting for you to come back to me," he said kissing me one more time.

Sarah returned at that moment and smiled at both of us. "Have a good test, Noey."

"Take care of Kurt for me, Small Fry," I said while ruffling her hair just before the nurse wheeled me out.

XXXXXX

"You should probably start on your homework, Sarah." Kurt smiled at the girl. "I think I'm going to read some more but if you need help let me know, okay?"

"Sure Kurtie."

Kurt settled down on the bed and opened the journal to the beginning.

**August 14, 2010.** Well Journal I'm pretty sure I fuck up my life tonight. I'd been fighting with Ma earlier today so I wasn't in a good frame of mind but that's not an excuse. Thank God Sarah is at Nana's for the weekend! I was about three beers in when Quinn knocked on the door. I don't remember inviting her over although she insisted I did. She starts blabbing about Finn and how he never pays enough attention to her or compliments her. I didn't really give a fuck, but I offered her a wine cooler after she turned her nose up at the beer. She drank two. The next thing I know she's in my lap with her tongue down my throat asking me to make her feel better.

I was about to show her the door when I caught a whiff of her perfume or lotion or whatever. It's the same one Kurt wears – my favorite. That's all it took before I had her half-naked under me on the couch. The whole time I'm imaging Kurt and I'm so wrapped up in my fantasy that I'm fairly certain I even called her Kurt once or twice. I know I definitely said his name when I came. Good thing my face was buried in her shoulder at the time or I would've had a lot of explaining to do. I kicked her out quickly and she seemed okay with leaving fast anyway. I took a long hot shower and cried – fuck! I am losing my God damn mind! I can't get that boy out of my head and now I just had sex with my best friend's girl. I could feel the panic rising cutting off my airway. I slumped to the floor trying to breathe. How the fuck am I going to explain this to Finn? I don't even like Quinn – she's such a bitch all the time to everyone.

I don't know what to do and there's no one to talk to. I write this stuff down to get it out but I'm not sure it even does any good. I finally made it to my bed – duh, right? How else would I be writing this? Fuckwad! You know it would be so easy to off myself sometimes but then I think about Sarah and what would happen to her – hopefully she could live with Nana but who knows what shit Ma would pull first. Then there's Kurt… jeez he looked so amazing today. I saw him at the grocery store when I stopped for some milk. He's had another growth spurt over the summer, I noticed. He's a little taller, still rail thin but his face still has that touch of roundness from childhood – thank fuck! His legs are longer, melting into that perfect ass. That ass haunts my every dream and let's face it most of my waking hours too. I wish I was brave enough to talk to him, to have a civil conversation with him, but that hasn't happened since before junior high. I know, I have no one to blame but myself but that just makes it worse.

It's late I'm going to bed…

Laters ~

Kurt skipped a few pages.

**September 4, 2010.** Journal, do think it would be possible for me to kick my own ass? Maybe I should go to fight club and pick a fight with the biggest guy there and let him do the job… Maybe it would make the pain go away, at least for a little while.

Today was the first day of school. I'm standing with Finn and a couple of the others. I saw Kurt get off the bus and cross the parking lot. He was looking straight ahead adjusting his bag nervously. I wasn't even conscious of my feet moving until my arm was thrown over his shoulder. He let out this adorable little squeak. I tried to inhale as much of his scent as I could before I realized we had walked toward the dumpster. Then Mr. Schue walks by and asks Kurt if he's making new friends or some shit. I can't believe that dumb ass, I mean come on really? By this time the guys have gathered and all I want to do is keep touching him and smelling him. I look over at Finn and he has that 'I know something else is going on but I'm too dense to figure out what it is so I'll just stare' look on his face. Then Kurt hands Finn his bag and jacket before turning back to me. The next thing I know he's in the dumpster and it's all over. I'm frowning because I blew it AGAIN! This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to man the fuck up!

I caught the look of hurt and betrayal on his face and I just couldn't take it. I ran away – well, I walked – but ya, I was totally running away. I wound up in the nurse's office again bawling like a fuckin' baby. This shit has got to stop. I can't keep this up much longer.

Kurt wiped at the tears on his cheeks and skipped ahead.

**September 7, 2010.** One of the hockey losers slushied Kurt today. I wanted to break my foot off in the guy's ass! I was so fuckin' pissed. Before I could even register anything else that Aretha chick and the goth one grabbed him and hauled him into the girl's bathroom for clean up. I'm glad there is someone there for him even though I wish with my whole self it could be me.

Whatever, it's a pipe dream…

Laters ~

**September 15, 2010.** Something is up with Finn – that douche is hiding something and I'm gonna find out what it is. He's been missing some practices and acting funny around the guys. He said Carole is sick or something, some sort of surgery. I actually love Carole – she's what a real mom should be – so if she's not well I'm gonna have Sarah make her a card and get her some flowers.

Actually, that's a great idea… tomorrow's Saturday – I'll take that stuff over there and check on her.

Cool – Laters ~

**September 16, 2010.** FINN IS DEAD MEAT! That fucker lied to me. Prostate surgery – what the actual fuck? Good thing Carole bought it when I told her I could have heard it wrong, she knows how Finn mumbles sometimes. Then she told me what the prostate was and I almost flipped shit again. You know what the icing on the cake was? Finding out he went to some singing competition – WITH MY FUCKING KURT! I think it's time I remind Frankenteen who is the alpha in this friendship.

Laters ~

**September 20, 2010.** GLEE CLUB… that asshole joined Glee Club! Now don't get me wrong, I don't give a flying fuck if he likes to sing and dance (even though he can't dance for shit) and I don't care if it looked like he did it to get close to that annoying Berry girl from my synagogue – KURT IS IN GLEE CLUB! That means Finn is going to hang out with him every other day or so AND be welcomed. Why is the universe trying to kill me?

The only sort of good thing that happened today is I heard a rumor that I've been screwing MILF's all summer while cleaning their pools – I can totally use this to boost my sex shark rep without having to bang any worthless Cheerios. I may have laid it on a little thick in the locker room but those saps just ate it up. I had a brief thought that I was gonna have a hell of a time explaining the truth to Kurt when he heard about it but then I thought when the fuck is Kurt ever gonna talk to me that I have to worry about it.

Yup, welcome to my fucked up life… hurry, hurry, step right up – main attraction here. A sixteen year old boy who is so worthless no one wants him for more than an hour and who is so pathetically in love with the most gorgeous boy in the whole fuckin' town but can't scrape up the balls to be anything other than a Lima Loser and own it. Ya, that's freak show gold right there folks.

Have I mentioned I hate my life?

Laters ~

Kurt startled as a tissue was shoved into his hand. He looked up to see Sarah watching him carefully.

"Maybe you shouldn't read them if you're just gonna cry, Kurtie," she said softly.

"It's just…," Kurt cleared his throat and tried again. "Did you know? Did you know how he felt about himself? About me?"

"Ever since I could read I've been reading his journals. He knows I do. Sometimes I even write stuff to him in them, like when he's having a real bad day or week – I write how much I love him and how I wouldn't want anyone else to take care of me. He always comes and finds me when he reads them and gives me a great big hug. After a couple of times he bought me my own journal and sometimes he'll read mine and write me little notes. It's kinda our thing now. So, ya, I know how he feels about himself and how much he loves you."

"You're okay with him loving me?" Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to have this conversation with her.

"Kurtie, me and Noey, we don't have too many good things going for us, ya know. Nana, Finn and Carole were it for the longest time, but now we have you and Burt back, how can I be anything other than okay? There are only three things that make my brother truly happy – his guitar, me and you."

Kurt didn't think it was as simple as Sarah made it sound but then again maybe it was and maybe he was just making it harder than it needed to be.

He smiled at her. "Thanks Sar-bear."

**October 2, 2010.** Quinn's pregnant…

She called me a Lima Loser. She's right. I like to think I've done a half-way decent job raising Sarah but the truth is I've probably fucked her up more than my parents have.

Quinn's right.

_(In blue crayon)_

No she's not! I love you Noey and you will always be my hero. I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish I could make it go away. Love, Sar-bear.

Kurt closed the book and excused himself to the bathroom. Once there he sat and cried. Poor Noah, so much on his plate and so scared all the time, but with so much love wanting to be shared. That much was evident. Just the measly three pages he'd read so far had given him a glimpse of a boy so different than the one he thought he knew. If he was honest with himself he knew there was more to Noah Puckerman. They had spent the last part of their summer together and Kurt knew he hurt him with his behavior at school, but to be fair Kurt was just trying to protect himself.

He was going to make this right somehow.

When he had finally collected himself and fixed his hair Kurt returned to the room to find Noah already in bed and Carole tucking him in. A momentary flare of jealousy settling itself into his stomach made him look away.

XXXXXX

"Hey babe," I said when I saw Kurt standing at the foot of my bed. Looking at him carefully I could tell he'd been crying. My stomach turned, I'm always making him cry it seems.

"Hey yourself, how did it go?"

"Good, I guess, won't know any results until probably tomorrow."

Carole interrupted, "I'm gonna take Sarah with me to the cafeteria to get a snack. You boys want anything?"

"No thanks, Mrs. H."

I waited for them to leave before holding out my hand to Kurt. He stared at it for a moment before looking back at me. My heart pretty much stopped beating before he threw himself at me, still mindful of my injuries.

"I'm so, so sorry, Noah. I didn't know – I just thought…," his sobs broke through and I could feel the hot tears soaking my neck and shoulder.

"Shh, babe… hey, come on – there's no way you could've known. I didn't tell anyone, baby." I stroked his back and kissed his cheek wherever I could reach.

I didn't care about the discomfort; I just tightened my hold on him, rocking as gently as I could. It took a few minutes for him to get it out.

"You probably don't even know what I'm talking about." He pulled away, wiping harshly at his eyes.

"Hey, careful, not so hard! I love those eyes and you're rubbing them too roughly."

He blinked at me.

"Do you – did you remember something?"

"Not everything, but while I was laying there dozing off, more and more started coming back to me. I'm gonna be fine, Kurt. The tech told me it happens all the time to people when they get hit hard enough in the head. He said some shit about lobes and memory storage or some shit – half the time I wasn't even paying fuckin' attention, you know. I just let the scenes play in my head."

He reached out and ghosted his fingers over my stitches and bandage.

"How much did you read?" I knew this was what was causing him to react this way.

"Not that much actually, I think maybe three or four pages, but they were really powerful. Noah, I-I…" he took a breath, "I don't know how I feel."

I nodded my head. This is what I was afraid of and I could feel my own eyes starting to water. I didn't even have the energy to fight them back.

He took my hand. "I want to find out, though. I want the chance to get to know you again, the real you, if you'll let me."

I was shocked. I never expected him to give me a chance. Most of what I remembered was a lot of bad shit I'd done to him and the others. I was suddenly curious what he read.

"Of course!" I blurted out. "Princess, whatever you need or want, I'm down with that."

"Do you remember the day we took Sarah clothes shopping?"

"Umm, no. Was it recent?"

"Maybe less than a month ago. Anyway, that day I saw a side of you I haven't seen since we were children – a playful, loving side of you – and from what I've read, it seems you have been trying to uncover that side and let it out but you've been afraid. So I guess what I'm saying is, that if you let me in I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and unafraid."

"I'm gonna kiss you now," I said as I pulled him closer. I could feel him smile against my lips before he kissed me back.

I didn't hear the door open so the cough startled us both. I reached for his hand as I looked over at the newcomer in my room. He looked familiar, but I couldn't place him and I couldn't come up with a name. I did, however, register that Kurt began to shake. When I looked at him his eyes were wide with either shock or fear – I couldn't tell.

I heard him whisper as he exhaled, "Karofsky."

**AN: Just a bit of a cliff-hanger just for my pal Kurtofsky4eva! Let me know what you think so far.**

**Hugs, Melissa**


	4. Chapter 4

The guy looked at the ground for a moment before he met Kurt's stare with a look of pain and regret. I'd seen that look before. It was on my own face as those scenes from my memory replayed.

"Dude, can I help you?" my tone was a little gruffer than I intended.

The guy's eyes snapped from Kurt to me and he just tilted his head slightly and stared.

It was Kurt who finally broke the silence.

"What are you doing here? Come to finish your handiwork?" Kurt was actually snarling the words out through gritted teeth.

"Calm down, Fancy."

"Don't call me that!"

He rolled his eyes and smirked but it never reached his eyes. This guy, Karofsky, he has a thing for Kurt. I don't know how but I'm almost positive.

"I came to talk to you, Puck. When I heard about what happened… Do you think you could call off your boy toy?" the last two words were spit out like it physically pained him to say them.

I raised an eyebrow. "Dude, I wouldn't push him right now." I squeezed Kurt's hand. "Who is this guy?"

"This _guy_," Kurt honest-to-goodness sneered, "is BFF's with the leader of your attack the other day."

I heard him sigh and I looked over at him.

"Look, I wasn't there. I had no idea what they planned. I stood up to them with you in the locker room a few days ago – don't you remember?" Karofsky shifted from foot to foot.

"No, as a matter of fact, he doesn't! You're buddies attacked him the other day putting forty stitches in his head and causing temporary memory loss. Why the hell would he need your help anyway?"

Whoa! Princess was seriously pissed. I was kinda intrigued and turned on. Huh? Who would've thought? I briefly wondered if this was new or if bitchiness always turned me on.

"Jesus Christ, Fancy! I didn't fuckin' have anythin' to do with that! I just found out today Puck was in the hospital when I overheard your big mouth brother and Chang talking about coming over to the hospital with their yearbooks. Which I guess makes more sense if Puck can't remember shit."

"Go on," Kurt folded his arms across his chest and huffed.

Karofsky rolled his eyes again. Then he pulled up a chair to the side of my bed away from Kurt.

"A few days ago some of the guys cornered Puck in the locker room after practice. It was four on one and I didn't think those odds were fair so I gave Puck a hand. It's what got us all detention."

"Detention?" I looked at Kurt.

He took my hand and explained. "You were leaving detention Monday when you were attacked."

"Okay, so those guys had detention too? That's how we were all in the same place at the same time." I nodded my head. "Makes sense, if I was planning a hit that's probably when I would've done it too."

"Noah!" Kurt gasped.

"I'm just sayin', babe. Logistically it makes sense."

"Dude, since when do you use words like logistically?" Karofsky's eyebrow shot up.

I rolled my eyes. "Continue."

"There isn't much else to say. Coach came in when we were throwin' down and broke up the fight. She believed us when we said they started it, which they did, and they got two weeks detention and we got one. Of course she's also added extra laps and wind-sprints for us at practice."

"Harsh…" I shook my head.

"Fuckin' tell me about it! At first she wasn't gonna make me do 'em since I was just sticking up for you, being out numbered and shit, but the guys were doggin' me so fuckin' bad I said I would do 'em just to get them off my back. Az's been givin' me dirty looks and the silent treatment but so far that's it."

"Why would you help Noah? You don't even like him since he joined glee club last year." Kurt's eyes narrowed again.

I chuckled. My babe was kinda a badass – a small, gorgeous badass with really soft skin and kissable lips – but a badass none the less.

"Fancy, do you think you could retract the claws a bit? I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm tryin' here."

"That's why I'm so suspicious!" Kurt yelled before remembering where he was and lowering his voice. "You have tormented me and my fellow glee members for a year and now all of a sudden you found some humanity? Forgive the hell out of me for doubting your sincerity."

The guy shook his head and looked down at the ground for a moment. When he looked back up at Kurt his eyes were burning. If I had any doubts about the guy's feeling toward my boy I didn't after that look.

"I know," he cleared his throat. "I know I've been a douche to all of you, especially you Kurt, but after the whole locker room thing was over Puck and I had a conversation and… I-I'm done with that shit. I just want to graduate and get the fuck out of Lima, alright?"

Kurt looked at me. "Don't look at me babe. I don't remember the conversation but maybe it'll come back to me."

"Anyway," Karofsky looked a little green, "that conversation was private so maybe if you do remember you two can keep it to yourselves." I nodded and then elbowed Kurt who nodded as well.

Karofsky seemed to relax and sat back in his chair. "So have the police been by yet? What'd ya tell 'em?"

"Na, man. They haven't come 'round yet." I squeezed Kurt's hand. "I told Kurt it doesn't matter though, it's not gonna do any damn good. Their word against mine and I have no witnesses."

"That might not be true." A beautiful Latina girl stood in the doorway of my room with her hands on her hips. She walked further into the room, "Who decided to have a homo convention and forgot to invite me?"

I chuckled, Kurt rolled his eyes but grinned at her, and Karofsky turned bright red.

"What the fuck, Santana!" he exploded.

"Oh pa-leese bitch, you think I don't know about you. I have a Mexican third eye, I know these things."

Kurt dissolved into giggles. For the first time since I woke up here in the hospital he looked truly happy. He walked into her arms as she gathered him close.

"I missed you, Satan." He kissed her cheek and he was smiling so brightly at the girl I started getting a hard-on then I started feeling jealous.

"I missed you too, Porcelain. Coach is going crazy without you, not that that bitch wasn't already cray-cray but she's worse. No one was really sure what happened until Finnocence spilled his guts this morning. I just knew I'd find you here playing Florence Nightingale to the Mohawk Wonder."

Kurt laughed, a carefree, easy sound, which I decided I wanted to hear much more of.

"How is our favorite juvenile delinquent doing?"

"Santana, Noah's short term memory seems to still be absent but long term memories are coming back – so cut him some slack until he's back to fighting form, okay?"

"Don't think I didn't notice him holding your hand or making gross love faces at you while you were conversing with Cubby here. But! I'll give him a free day pass just because you asked me to."

"Ah, Santana! Now I remember some things Finn was telling us the other day." I hadn't put the two together until Kurt said her name.

"Right, don't believe everything Pastry Boobs tells you." She plopped herself down on the end of the bed while Kurt came and sat by my side. I slid my hand back into his and squeezed.

Tana smiled at us for a second. "Back to what Cubby was sayin'," Karofsky interrupted her. "Stop callin' me that!"

"Too bad Cubster, get over yourself, everyone in this room is as queer as a three dollar bill, and you might as well own it!"

"Santana!" Kurt gasped. "We've talked about this, you don't out someone, no matter what."

"Wait a minute, how the fuck do you both know?" Yup, Dave was alternating between shades of green and red. It was kinda amusing, for me anyway.

"Porcelain and I go way back and sometimes we like to go out dancing and let our hair down. There's a bar over in West Lima, maybe you've heard of it?" she smirked at the jock.

"Fuckin' kill me now," he muttered. "What's it gonna take to keep this to yourself?"

"You couldn't afford it!" Tana flipped out her nail file. "Now quit interrupting me before I turn you from a David to a Danielle." She turned to Kurt, "As I was saying, there may have been a witness. Coach Sylvester had cameras installed secretly throughout the whole school; its how that hag sneaks up on everyone all the time. I believe the one that catches the outside might – and I say might – catch that corner of the lot as well."

"I don't think she's going to just give up the tapes Tana, especially if it means even admitting the cameras are there." Kurt stroked his thumb along the back of my hand.

I noticed that both Santana and David noticed the action even though they both had different reactions.

"I appreciate this, you guys, really, but the fact remains that it isn't going to make a damn difference. I'm not pressing charges anyway."

"Noah."

"No Kurt, I already told you. I'm going to handle this my way, as soon as they let me out of this dump. I WILL make sure you're safe."

Santana laughed. "Well, well, well… look whose balls finally dropped. Are you a real boy now Pinocchio? Finally ready to take your head out of your ass and man-up? Make a man out of our little Kurtie here?"

"Santana!"

We all turned to see Carole had returned with Sarah. It was funny to see Tana actually blush. Mrs. H definitely goes on the badass list.

"Tana!" Sarah ran to her and hugged her. "I've missed you tia."

"Hola mija," she hugged Sarah back. "I've missed you too."

"I trust if I leave Sarah with the four of you that you will at least _try_ to watch your mouths in her presence."

"Will do, Mrs. H." I smiled at her with a salute as she left the room.

Sarah climbed up on the bed between my knees and reached for Kurt's hand while still holding onto Tana with the other. She looked over at Dave.

"Hello, I'm Sarah Puckerman. Who are you?"

"David Karofsky," he held out his hand. "It's nice to meet you," he said when she took his hand to shake.

"Karofsky?" I could tell Sarah was thinking about something. "Oh! I know! Noey wrote about you in his journal. Thank you for helping my brother the other day."

I laughed at the look of surprise on Dave's face. "Dude, my little sister just backed up your story. I guess I owe you a thank you since I can't remember if I did or not."

"Yes and I guess I owe you an apology," Kurt added softly.

"Save it Fancy, you don't owe me anything."

"So," Sarah clapped her hands together, "what are we plotting as payback for those bitches who hurt my brother?"

XXXXXX

"Do we know who it was?" Dave asked.

"I remember Azimio, Nelson, and Strando but there could've been others."

Kurt chimed, "Maybe we can trick one of them into confessing. If one of them talks they will probably name names and then we can use that as evidence."

"Strando will probably be your best bet for that, especially if he's drinking, the dude never shuts the fuck up." I noticed Dave was looking everywhere but at Kurt.

"So we throw a party, I'll host – invite all the Cheerios and jocks." Tana was still filing her nails.

"Dave, does Strando have a thing for any Cheerio in particular? And what about Nelson and Azimio? Maybe we can get them all to confess." Kurt asked.

"Ya, the really tall blonde one with the short hair. I have no idea about Nelson, but, umm, Az isn't interested in a Cheerio and you really don't want to know who he does like." Poor Dave looked so uncomfortable.

"Mindy's the blonde with the short hair – that works in our favor 'cause she's a total whore and I have so much dirt on her I can get her to do anything." Tana smirked. "But you gotta spill Cubby, who does Lard Ass have the hots for?"

"Lopez I'm not tellin' you shit if you don't stop callin' me that!"

"Dude, calm down, she's just bustin' your balls. The more you let it get to you the more she's gonna do it." I smiled at Tana and Dave.

"Whatever," Dave let out a breath. "Az has a thing for Mercedes."

"Sadie!" / "Aretha!" Kurt and Santana exclaimed at the same time.

"Told you, you didn't want to know," he grumbled.

"Okay, well, that's out. Mercedes can't stand Azimio, not with all the slushies and bullying." Kurt kept shaking his head like he could expel a bad mental picture, sorta like an etch-a-sketch.

"He's never slushied her," Dave muttered under his breath.

Santana caught it though. "Holds up! Let me get this straight, Two-Ton Tessie has a thing for Weezy and he's NEVER slushied her, but you…"

"Enough Tana," I cut her off. I knew what she was going to say and even though the thought of Karofsky having feelings for my Kurt made my blood boil and want to punch something I couldn't let her throw him under the bus, not with Kurt right there.

She glared at me.

"Moving on," Kurt sighed. "That avenue is out. It looks like we'll have to focus on getting Strando to talk."

"Babe, it's not gonna be enough. He could confess everything and it still wouldn't be enough. They'll just say he was drunk and talking out his ass."

"What about the bat?" Sarah asked quietly.

We all stopped and looked at her. She looked at me then at Kurt, squeezing his hand. I noticed the tears falling from his eyes.

I reached up and wiped his cheek softly. "Don't baby, I'm fine." He just nodded, not saying anything.

"Sarah might have something, Puck." Dave's voice sounded rough. "Do you remember what kind of bat?"

"Not really but I think it was wood."

"It had to be Nelson's then," Dave grimaced. "I don't think Strando owns one and Az's is aluminum."

Santana spoke up, "If we could get our hands on that bat, it might have traces of blood or fibers – some shit like that – it could be evidence."

"How are we going to do that, Tana?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Good question, Lady Lips, but I have no fuckin' clue."

We were all silent for a few moments, each of us lost in thought.

"I might be able to get it," Dave broke the silence. "He usually keeps that shit in his car and he never locks it. If I can get to it I could probably grab it."

"Dude, you get caught and it's all over. They'll know what we're up to." I could admit it was a good idea but I didn't want to see another person in my place and right now they didn't know Dave was helping me.

"What we needs is a distraction," Tana smirked. "I think I know the perfect thing. He always stares a little too hard whenever Britt and I make out so we could distract him with a show and Yogi here can grab the bat."

Dave growled, "I think I liked Cubby better…"

All of us laughed, hard. Even though it hurt my ribs, it was just the thing to break the tension.

Sarah climbed off the bed and into Dave's lap. "I think Cubby is a cute nickname, Dave. Noey calls me Sar-bear all the time. We have matching names."

Dave looked at me in shock then back to Sarah before he smiled at her. I watched as she hugged him like she does for me whenever I'm feeling down.

"Thanks Sar-bear," I gave her a thumb up.

Just then the door opened and in walked Hudson and Chang. They looked at the five of us in disbelief before Finn started to get angry.

"What the fuck, Karofsky? You better not be bothering Puck or my little brother." Finn was towering over Dave's chair before he snatched Sarah off his lap.

"Hey Shrek, calm yourself before you pop a man boob and spray us all with jelly filling!" Santana grabbed Sarah from Finn and set her back on Dave's lap before sliding herself onto his other leg. "We were all having a nice visit before your interruption."

Mike laughed but stopped when Finn looked at him. "Sorry bro, it was funny."

"Whatever. What the hell is going on here?" Finn looked more confused as he searched all our faces for signs.

"Finn, calm down," Kurt patted the bed for Finn to take the seat Tana had been occupying. "We were just telling stories to Noah trying to get his memory back."

"Oh," he at least looked sheepish. "So the journals didn't work?"

"We haven't tried yet," I said.

"Those things are full of some personal emotional shit, Finnocence. Puck can read them later when it's just him and Porcelain."

"How do you know what's in them?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow at her.

"There may have been a time when you and I got our freak on and I may or may not have… readsomeofyourjournals…"

"What?!"

"Look it was a while ago, alright?"

Kurt shook his head. "Tana we've talked about invading other people's privacy."

"Don't give me that, it's not other people's, it's Puck."

"It's alright Princess. You're reading them so I can't really get mad at her."

"Wow! They really did a number on your head," Mike laughed.

Again the tension was broken. We spent the rest of the afternoon telling stories and laughing. I can't really explain it, but I could feel the atmosphere changing. I looked around the room. Sarah had gone off to the window seat to play her DS (that I remember I got her for Hanukah last year!), Tana was still curled up on Dave's lap like a shield and even he seemed to relax into it. Finn had pulled Kurt's cot over and was stretched out tossing a ball back and forth with Mike. Kurt was curled up with me in the bed, his head resting on my chest and his arms around my waist. I personally never wanted to move.

Carole stopped back in at the end of her shift. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see everyone.

"Finn, are you going to be home for dinner? Or are you staying here for a while?"

"I think I'm gonna stay but save me some food. I'll just get a snack to hold me over."

Carole nodded and gave him some money. "Make sure you get something for everyone Finn, not just yourself." She came over to fluff up my pillow. "Noah, do you want me to drop Sarah off with your Nana?"

"I'm not sure. Babe, did you and Nana discuss plans for Sarah?"

"She mentioned she would stop by tomorrow after she dropped Sarah at school but other than that, no."

"Why don't I call Connie?" Carole said. "I can take Sarah home with me tonight and then drop her at school in the morning. Connie can pick her up afterward, that way she doesn't have to get up so early. Plus I'm already up for work."

"Thanks Mrs. H that would be great. Sar-bear, you good with staying with Carole and Burt tonight?"

"Can I sleep in your bed Kurtie?"

"Sure sweetie. The sleep shirt you wore last time is folded in the drawer I gave you and there should be a couple of outfits in there for you for school." Kurt sat up to hug Sarah. "Just don't let Finn in my room, okay?"

She nodded as Finn yelled, "Hey!"

I gave my sister a hug and kiss. Then she hugged Tana and kissed Dave on the cheek. "Good night Cubby." I think he blushed before saying, "Good night Sar-bear." Sarah high-fived with Mike before Finn lifted her in the air and twirled her around making airplane noises.

"Put her down Jolly Green Giant before she pukes," Tana smirked. "No wait, on second thought, keep doing that – it'll be hilarious when you're covered in puke!"

"Shut up Santana!" Finn groaned but set Sarah on her feet.

"Come on Sarah; let's get home to Burt where everyone is sane!" Carole waved at all of us.

After they were gone, Finn clapped his hands together. "Okay so who's up for some food?"

Kurt stood up and stretched. "Tana and I can go get something and bring it back." He snatched the money from Finn, "What does everyone want?"

"Nothing for me guys," Mike said as he stood up. "I gotta get home, my parents freak when I don't make it to dinner." He waved as he headed out the door.

"Why don't you just surprise us babe? Get whatever you want." I smiled and winked at him.

"Wanky!" Santana grinned.

"No! God, Puck don't tell him that! We'll end up eating wheat gerbils and grass." Finn threw himself down on the cot again.

"It's wheat germ not gerbils, you ass!" I watched as Kurt shoved his brother. "And I eat other stuff than that!"

Kurt grabbed Tana's hand. "Let's go."

I spoke up quickly. "Hey! No kiss goodbye?"

Kurt smiled shyly at me before pressing a soft kiss to my lips. He whispered, "Are you trying to give Finn a heart attack?" in my ear.

I just grinned at him.

Once they were gone I looked over at my friends and I was instantly sorry. Not for Finn, no, his reaction was hysterical – gaping at me in shock. "Close your mouth, dude, you'll catch flies," I muttered. No, it was Dave. His reaction gave me that punched in the gut feeling. I tried to convey 'I'm sorry' with my eyes.

He shook his head and looked down. "Are you – are you two going to be out when you get back?" he asked.

"That's my plan," I told him. "No offense, dude, but I can't hide how I feel about him and I don't want to. If no one talks to me, or wants to hate me, or wants to fight with me because of it then I'll deal with it 'cause at the end of the day I'll have him and that's what's important to me. I don't give a fuck about what my Ma thinks and you see Sarah loves him, my Nana too, so I don't really have any family drama."

"Ya, I understand… it sucks, ya know, being fuckin' scared all the time, worrying if people are gonna turn on you. I fought it for so long but I don't know if I have the energy anymore."

"Dave, dude, it doesn't have to be that way. I know it's gonna be awful some days but it can't be any worse than what I've been living with all this time. I have to believe that even with new bullshit to deal with the payoff will be worth it."

"That's easy for you to say… now," he grimaced. "You already have him. I'm a fuckin' asshole and I've crossed some lines but there's no way I could do that to him."

"I appreciate that dude, but that doesn't mean you can't still let him in, let him be your friend. In fact, let all of us be your friends."

"I don't think that will go over well with some of them."

"True, true, but they'll get the fuck over it. I mean look at it this way, today you hung out with me, Santana, Chang, and Finn. I remember and you know Brittany would never have a bad thing to say about anything or anyone. According to Kurt, Wheels is my bro and he's pretty funny once you get to know him. You've hung out with Mike so it should be easy with Tina. That just leaves Quinn, Berry and Mercedes."

Dave snorted. "It's those three I'm the most afraid of."

"Well with Quinnie you just gotta know how to talk to her. Rachel's not bad at all, and once she's on your side – it'd be easier to remove a pit bull from a steak – but that's part of her awesomeness." Finn reached out and clapped Dave on the shoulder.

I was a little stunned. I guess I forgot he was there for a few moments and how the hell he figured out what we were talking about had my mind blown.

Dave looked at him. "Dude, do you even know what we're talking about?" I guess Dave thought the same thing.

Finn looked at me and then back at Dave. "Joining glee club, right?"

Dave buried his face in his hands and groaned. I couldn't help it I started laughing and couldn't stop.

"What?" Finn asked.

I clutched my side. "Nothing dude, nothing." I took a breath to calm myself. "Dave's not joining glee club, Finn. That's not what this is about."

"Oh," he looked at Dave. "Well then what is it? I'm sure whatever it is we've got your back, right Puck?"

"Absolutely!"

Dave looked up at Finn. "I'm gay. Puck and I were talking about coming out at school."

Again I was shocked the guy just put it out there like that, but I was kinda proud of him too.

"Oh!" Finn looked at me and I could see he was getting angry. "Wait, I thought you were with my brother! If you're playin' with Kurt, Puck, we're gonna have a problem."

Now it was my turn to face palm. "Not like that Finn!"

"Huh?"

"What I meant," Dave explained carefully. "I'm thinking of coming out at school. Puck is also planning on coming out at school, for Kurt. Puck was encouraging me, saying I could make friends with you all as a support system."

"Oh!" Finn's lightbulb turned on, you could see it. "In that case I think the only person you'd really have to worry about is Mercedes. She finds out you're gay and you gave Kurt all that shit she's going to go banisters."

"Close Frankenteen, close, but still not the right word. Anyway it doesn't matter – the thing that matters is what Kurt says because if he's on board he will work on Mercedes."

"What am I working on Sadie about?" Kurt breezed into the room carrying several bags of food.

Santana was right behind him with several more and drinks.

"Karofsky's gonna go out at school." Finn grabbed one of the bags and started emptying the contents on the bed.

Kurt looked at me, then at Dave. "You mean come out at school?"

Dave bowed his head while Finn just shrugged. Santana started laughing.

"Really Cubby? You gonna leave Narnia?"

"Fuck off Lopez. I don't really need any of your shit right now."

"Oh, but see, I thinks you do. 'Cause if you can't take it from me, and I may or may not like you, what's your rainbow ass gonna do when it's public knowledge at homophobe high?"

"Tana give the guy a break." I was starting to rethink my thoughts on bitchiness being a turn on. "He didn't say he was going to for sure, just that he's thinking about it."

"What about you, Mohawk Wonder? You gonna hoist the rainbow flag on the good ship Puckurt?" she smirked at me.

"Hell ya I am! I'm not letting Princess go." I grinned at Kurt and winked.

I'm struck by how pretty he is when he blushes.

He cleared his throat. "Okay, but what does Dave's coming out have to do with Sadie? And why do I need to work on her?"

"I was telling Dave that the glee club could be a support system for him if or when he decides to come out. Finn pointed out that she will probably want to tear him a new one for all the crap he put you through."

Karofsky snorted as he unwrapped a burger.

"Ah!" Kurt's eyes widened, "I didn't think about that but, I'm sure Mercedes will see reason."

Santana laughed, "I wouldn't count on that Lady Lips. Seriously, Weezy is probably the only other person besides me who is likely to carry razor blades up in her weave, especially when it comes to you. In fact, I'd be shocked if she didn't go after Puck's cajones."

"I'm not worried about Mercedes." I took a big bite of my burger. Food never tasted so good.

"I'll talk to Sadie, Noah. Just ignore Tana. You too Dave, don't let her get to you."

"I don't think anyone should do any coming out of anything until these guys are punished for what they did to Puck," Finn said with his mouth full in between bites.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Pillsbury Dough Boy! It's gross." Santana threw a french fry at him.

"Finn has a point though. Noah, I appreciate what you want to do, but it's just not safe for you. Let's wait until these guys are punished first."

"No can do, Princess. When they let me out of here, in a day or two, we'll be back at school and there's no way I'm gonna sit in class or pass you in the hallway and not touch you. I've done that for too long, I won't do it anymore."

"Noah."

"No Kurt."

"We'll keep him safe Kurt and we'll get these guys." Dave looked surprised at his own words.

"You'd better, David Karofsky," Kurt huffed before adding softly, "If you do, I'll consider us even. Wipe the slate clean between you and me."

Dave looked like someone told him Christmas was coming early and as much as it pissed me off to think about him crushin' on my Kurt, I kinda felt bad for the guy. I'm just gonna have to have a private conversation with him when I get out of the hospital.

Everyone continued eating and went back to telling stories about me, trying to help me get my memories back, until the nurse came to kick everyone out. Finn rode over with Mike so Dave offered him a ride home. Santana hugged and kissed Kurt before leaving, for the life of me I can't remember them being that affectionate to each other. Kurt didn't seem upset or disturbed about it so I didn't bring it up, maybe I'd ask Tana about it later.

With everyone gone Kurt changed into some pajama pants and a tee shirt. We lay on my bed and flipped channels until he found an old movie to watch. I fell asleep with him curled into my side.

XXXXXX

At some point Kurt must have decided to do some reading because I woke up to the sound of soft crying. I could tell he was trying to hold back as I blinked my eyes open.

"Babe, what are you doin'? What time is it?"

"Reading, crying, and its 2:30 a.m." I watched him wipe away tears with a tissue.

I started to chuckle, but then thought maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea.

"If it's so sad maybe you shouldn't read it." I wrapped an arm around his waist as I sat up and adjusted the bed.

"As sad as it is, I'm really getting to know you, the real you and I-I can't put it down," he sniffled daintily.

"Will you read to me?" I asked as I placed a kiss to his temple.

He leaned into me and gave me a watery smile. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I mean, the whole point was to read to get my memory back, right? Might as well get started. I can't have you awake and crying while I'm sleeping – it feels wrong."

"Okay Noah. The one I'm reading from appears to be your very first journal."

"Cool, so we'll start at the beginning. How far into it are you?"

"A couple of pages but I don't mind starting over." Kurt reached for my hand, holding it tightly for a moment before flipping back to the first page. He cleared his throat and began to read out loud.

**April 21, 2005.** My teacher gave me this journal and told me that if I didn't want to talk maybe I could write down my thoughts and stuff so here I am in my bed writing. It feels kinda dumb to be working on something that's not homework – like why bother? Fourth grade is almost over and I'm really looking forward to summer. It's always easier to take care of Sarah during the summer when I don't have to worry so much. Sarah's my little sister and she means the world to me. I know boys aren't supposed to like their little sisters as much as I love Sarah but so what – I've been taking care of her since she was a baby, it's my job, besides no one else is around to do it so she needs me. But the secret is I need her too, she's my family.

My dad left us 2 years ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday. He and Ma had been fighting for a couple of weeks, which was kinda normal but they weren't usually that loud. I heard glass breaking and decided to leave my room to check on them. I could hear my mom crying and yelling then more glass. I stopped in the hall because I was scared. Then Sarah started crying. She was only 1 so I waited for someone to come get her but no one did. I finally got my feet moving and I went to her room. She was standing in her crib and she looked scared. I tried to be brave for her. I dragged the chair over so I could pick her up. She was all wet and so was her bed. I grabbed a towel from the floor, spread it out and then laid her down. I changed her diaper and her pajamas. I could still hear the yelling from the kitchen so I took Sarah into my room. I let her snuggle into my side as we hid under my covers. Her tears were soaking my shirt but I just kept rocking her and singing to her. Finally she fell asleep again. I noticed it had gone quiet so I slipped out of bed and went into the hall. My dad came out of his room with a bag and his 2 guitars. We looked at each other for a few minutes. Finally he handed me 1 of the guitars as he left. I didn't know what to do so I just went back to my room. I put the guitar under my bed and crawled in next to Sarah.

The next morning Sarah woke me up asking for milk. I told her to stay in bed while I went to go get it. My ma was asleep on the couch and there was lots of bottles all around her. I didn't know what they were but now I know it was wine. I went to the kitchen and there was glass and broken dishes everywhere. When I opened the refrigerator (ha! Spelling word) there was no milk so I went to wake up Ma. It took a long time to wake her up and when she did open her eyes she looked at me funny before she picked up a bottle that wasn't empty and went to her room slamming the door.

I had no idea how long she would be in there so I went back to Sarah. I stopped in her room and got some clothes for her and her shoes. I got me and her dressed. Then I grabbed some diapers and put them in my backpack along with her dolly and blanket. I wrote Ma a note telling her went to Finn's in case she woke up and was looking for us. We started walking to Finn's but I felt Sarah shiver so I ran back and grabbed her jacket.

When we got to Finn's everyone was still sleeping. I didn't know how early it was. Carole asked me what was wrong and I told her Sarah wanted milk and we didn't have any and that I couldn't wake my mom up. She dragged us inside and made us breakfast. Finn came down as I was helping Sarah eat some of my cereal. He asked if I wanted to play cars after we ate. I told him Sarah had to play too because I couldn't leave her alone. He was cool with it. Finn's my best friend if I didn't write that already. We're like brothers and we do everything together. His mom is Carole and she's the bestest. She never yells or anything even when she's mad. After we started playing Carole told us she'd be right back she wanted to check on Ma.

When Carole came back she looked like she'd been crying and I was worried something was wrong with Ma. She told me Ma was still upset but that me and Sarah could just stay with her and Finn today and tonight. I remember thinking that was weird because it was Saturday and we always went to temple on Saturday nights with my Nana. Carole said it would be okay to miss one day and she would try to call Nana and let her know.

That day was fun. Finn and me played with Sar-bear all day except when she was taking a nap. Then we played video games. Carole made hot dogs for dinner with mac and cheese. I remember I liked it even though I'd never had it before.

The next day Nana came and picked up me and Sarah. Carole hugged us really tight and told me we could come over anytime no matter what. I didn't really understand why she said that back then but I do now.

My nana took us home that day and I helped her clean. My Ma was at work. Nana helped me give Sarah a bath and even let me brush her hair. It was kinda fun and it made Sarah happy because every time I tried to leave her she would start to cry. We read a story after bath time and Sarah slept in my bed again. I didn't mind cause hers was still wet.

I woke up again to yelling. The sun was just starting to come up. I went to see who it was and Nana and Ma were arguing. I yelled for them to stop because they were gonna wake up Sarah and she hadn't slept good last night. They both looked at me funny before Nana hugged me and said sorry. I went back to sleep and didn't get up until Sarah did. It was a school day and at first I was worried about being late. Nana said she called and said I wouldn't be at school today. Then she asked if I wanted to come stay at her house for a couple of months. I told her I didn't think I should leave Ma alone that long.

Nana, Sarah and I went food shopping after that and she let me help her make all kinds of food and put them in the fridge for later. She told me I could heat most of them in the microwave if we got hungry. She had to go home that night when Ma showed up but she made me write down her phone number and told me to call her if I needed anything.

The next day I woke up early again but I didn't want to go back to sleep. I was afraid I would sleep through school again. I went to check on Ma but she was sleeping on the couch again and had all those wine bottles. I put a blanket over her and went to wake up Sarah. I managed to get us both dressed and fed some breakfast. I walked Sarah down to old lady Johnson's house because she watches Sarah during the day. When I got back to the house Ma was still asleep so I told her where Sarah was in a note and I went to wait for the bus.

After school Ma wasn't there. Normally she was home when I got in from the bus. I decided to go see if she picked up Sarah but she hadn't. Sarah was crying when I got there but stopped when she saw me. Mrs. Johnson asked where my Ma was but I didn't know. I figured she was just stuck at work or something so I told Mrs. Johnson she had to work late for the whole week. I fed Sarah and me dinner and then let her color while I did my homework. I tried to give her a bath but she kept wetting me so I decided to just take one with her. I let her splash around until we were pruned up. Once I had her in pj's and her hair brushed it was kinda late. Ma still wasn't home so I figured I would just let Sarah sleep with me again.

I heard a noise real late that night and went to see what it was. I found Ma crying in the kitchen. That's when she told me my dad left and he wasn't ever coming back. I was the man of the house now. I didn't know what that meant but I figured it out soon. I was really scared as I watched my Ma go to her room carrying a bottle of wine and walking funny but I didn't know what to say or do. I finally went back to lay down. I thought about everything that happened and how much Sarah needed me. I didn't know how to help my Ma but I could take care of Sarah. I just had to be careful.

It's been 2 years since that day and I've been doing the same thing every day. I told Mrs. Johnson Ma got switched to the night shift so I would drop Sarah off and pick her up. She used to give me funny looks at first but she doesn't anymore. The first year my Nana would come over on Saturday and take us food shopping before taking us to temple. On Sundays she would teach me how to cook and I got really good at it. Sometimes we don't see Ma for 3 or 4 days but I always listen for her at night. When she does come home she is usually drunk. That used to scare me but I'm used to it now.

Sarah's awake and crying so I gotta go but I'll write more soon.

Noah

Kurt was crying again when he finished reading, and I was too. I had forgotten those days but as he read it all came crashing back to me. The fear, the anger – all of it – Ma had given up when that asshole left us, given up on life and on us.

Kurt pulled me into his side and held me tight for a long time. It felt really good and I let go and enjoyed the sensation of being comforted by someone not related to me yet who cares about me.

"My heart breaks for you and Sarah when I think about everything you had to deal with Noah. I don't know how you did it, you were so young, and being forced to grow up too fast."

"I think I'm over it babe, or at least as much as I can be. I feel like I'm at peace with the taking care of Sarah part, does that make any sense?"

"Yes, it does. Sarah is such a wonderful, loving child and that is all thanks to you Noah. You raised a fine young lady."

I snorted. "I don't know if I'd go that far, babe."

"Hush you! Sarah is perfect just the way she is. She may have some rough edges but she has a good heart Noah and an even better head on her shoulders. You deserve a lot of credit. How many other nine-year-olds could take care of an infant successfully?"

"Thanks Kurt. I mean it, thank you. You being here for me, giving me a chance, letting me get close to you and helping with Sarah, it means the world to me."

He looked up at me. "I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," I smiled at him. "Just let me love you."

Kurt gasped softly. "Do you?"

"Huh?"

"Do you – do you love me, Noah?"

"Ya, yes – I love you, Kurt."

He started to tear up. "Hey, no. Please don't cry." I swiped my thumb across his cheekbone.

"I-I have a lot of feelings for you. I just don't know if it's love. I'm sorry… so sorry."

"Babe stop, please. It's okay. Really. I don't expect you to; I just want the chance to let it happen."

He kinda laughed and kinda hiccuped. "I wonder if this new Noah has been the real one all along. I like you, this you, a lot."

"That's good, real good. It's a start in the right direction at least."

I leaned in to kiss him. This right here, Kurt in my arms, kissing him, loving him, this felt more right than anything I've felt since I woke up in the hospital. I'm determined to hold onto this feeling and this boy.

Kurt pulled back and blinked up at me. He's so freaking beautiful. I'm not sure I should say that out loud though.

He smirked at me. "You just did."

I could feel myself blushing, causing him to chuckle.

"Do you want me to read some more?" he asked, sobering up a bit.

"Only if you want too. I don't like you being upset."

He kissed my cheek and smiled before turning in my arms and opening up the book again.

**June 6, 2005.** Sorry I haven't written in awhile Journal. I caught a cold and then Sarah got sick after I first wrote so things have been really crazy here. Hey I learned how to pay the water and light bill though. My Nana had taken me and Sar to her house to get us better. When we came home the lights were off. Ma musta forgotten to pay the bill. So she helped me set it up to pay over the phone. We wrote out all the instructions so I wouldn't forget. Then she worried the phone wouldn't work so she got me a cell phone! It's a crappy one but I'm the only one I know who has one. Guess that makes me badass!

_(Kurt snorted. "So it starts," he muttered. I couldn't help chuckling too.)_

I haven't seen my Ma for about a week this time but I'm used to her being gone more lately. It's kinda a shock when she is around. That really sucks. So anyway I decided to get Sar-bear outta the house today for some fun and take her to the park. I don't wanna take her to the parks around here so I called Finn to borrow his wagon to take her to the good park. She's getting too heavy to carry all that way but I knew she couldn't walk that far. Finn invited himself along. It's cool how he doesn't judge and is always tryin' to help me with Sar and stuff. Even when I'm being angry or sad he doesn't get mad at me he just still tries to help. Like this one time I burned my hand trying to cook something and he came over and brought band-aids then at school he took notes for me and wrote out my work for 2 days. He can be an awesome friend even when I was all grumpy and mean. When my hand got better I made him some cookies to say thank you. Me and Sar cut them into football shapes 'cause Finn loves football.

When we went to the park it was really fun. The park was clean and bright and I felt good about Sar playing there. I felt so comfortable I took my eyes off of her for just a few minutes but I started to panic when I looked around and didn't see her. She had spotted a boy by himself under a tree and wandered over. When I saw her I ran over quickly. I apologized for my sister barging in but he said it was okay. When I tried to get her to leave she threw a fit. She wanted to play with his dolly and he seemed okay with it. I introduced us and I found out his name is Kurt.

He said he didn't mind looking out for her if I wanted to go back to playing tag with Finn and these two boys we met named Mike and Matt. I thanked him and told him to holler at me if she became a brat. The whole time I was playing though I kept glancing over toward the two of them. I watched Kurt take out some wipie-things and wash off Sar's face and hands before giving her a cookie. It made me smile. Finn does a good job with her but sometimes he forgets how much bigger he is and kinda squishes her. Kurt was being very careful and treating Sar with a lot of care. I could tell even from far away.

After the game of tag the other boys left to go home for lunch and I dragged Finn over to meet Kurt. I had made sandwiches to bring with us so I asked him if he wanted to have lunch with us. He said yes and offered us cookies. I noticed Finn was quiet around Kurt but Sarah found a new friend. I laughed as she climbed into his lap and hugged him with sticky fingers before kissing his cheek with a loud smack of her lips. Kurt turned red. It was cute though. I sat there watching them for a long time.

Kurt is kinda beautiful. I'm not sure if you're supposed to say boys are beautiful but even if you're not he really is. His hair was brown but not dark like me and Finn's. It was lighter and when the sun was on him it looked blonde and red in some places. He was pale compared to us but me and Finn spend a lot of time outside. I didn't think Kurt liked to be outside much. He kept chewing on his bottom lip and darting his eyes around. It made his lips all swollen and red like the princesses in the Disney movies. But I think the best part of Kurt's face is his eyes. They're like all blue one minute and then green but then they get all grey too. I think a couple of times when the sun hit just right they looked like all three at once! How cool is that. Kurt's funny too. He made up little stories about the dollies for Sarah to keep her laughing. I don't think I've seen my sister that happy in a long time.

It started to get late and I knew we'd have to get going soon. It was a long walk and Finn had to be in the house before it got dark. I noticed a big man in a baseball hat coming toward us and I started to get nervous. When it looked to me like he was headed for us I stood up, trying to block Kurt and Sarah from his view. I asked him what he wanted and told him not to come any closer. I was really happy when Finn stood up next to me. He was even using his angry face (but it's not so angry looking just don't tell him). It was Kurt's laugh that finally made me look away from the man. He told me that was his father. I still wasn't so sure but when Kurt introduced me and Finn and Sarah the big guy smiled and his smile looked just like Kurt's so I guessed he was okay. Kurt's dad said it was getting late and asked where our parents were. Finn said his mom was at work and would be home around dinner time. Burt – that's Kurt's dad – funny huh! – anyway, Burt asked about me and Sarah and I told him I was in charge of me and Sarah. He looked at us funny for a few minutes before offering us a ride home. Finn said he's not allowed in anyone's car that his mom doesn't know and I think that's a good rule so I'm gonna teach it to Sar when she gets bigger. Burt said he understood and he was proud of Finn for listening to his mom. It was weird to see Finn grin so big at Burt – like the guy just told Finn he won the best prize. I looked away feeling sad but then Kurt came up and took my hand. I noticed he was carrying Sarah on his hip like my Nana does. He whispered that he was proud of me for taking such good care of Sarah and for trying to protect them from a stranger. I don't know why but that made my heart start pounding in my chest and these tingle feelings in my tummy. It felt weird, but I liked it. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand back.

Kurt asked if we were coming back to the park again tomorrow. I said sure because it was summer and we didn't have anything else to do until Saturday. This time when he smiled it was big and bright and I wanted to hug him like I do Sarah when she's laughing, so I threw my arms around him. He actually thanked me for a good day before passing Sarah back to me and gathering his stuff. Finn and me loaded Sarah and our stuff into the wagon too. We walked out of the park with Kurt and then waved goodbye as we headed in the other direction.

I'm excited to hang out with Kurt tomorrow. Maybe Finn will come with me too cause running around playing tag felt good today.

Okay I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'll write more soon.

Noah

I noticed Kurt's breathing changed when he started reading about how my nine-year-old self saw his nine-year-old self. It made me smile inwardly. I knew I was right, I totally had a crush on my boy, apparently since back in the day.

I looked over at Kurt who was still staring at the pages.

"Babe, you okay?"

He startled a bit. "You thought I was beautiful that day."

"I still think you're beautiful, Kurt."

He closed the book and set it on the table. Cuddling up on my chest he reached over and lowered the bed down. I hugged him more tightly and kissed his head.

"Good night Princess."

"Good night Noah."

**AN: winks and hugs out to my buddy Kurtofsky4eva, hope you liked it!**


	5. Chapter 5

The next day the doctor said I could go home. The results of the tests didn't show anything wrong so he said it would just take some time before I got all my memories back. He told me to see my regular doctor if I started getting headaches or to come back to the emergency room right away if the headaches were sudden and severe. I was glad Kurt was out of the room showering or he would have been freakin' out over the orders to rest. I asked about football and the doc said to give it a few more weeks. I could do light exercise but no tackling or playing until the ribs healed up. That really sucked 'cause it would be mid-season before I got on the field.

The cops never showed up, a fact I was thrilled with, but which had Kurt furious. Apparently even his dad was pissed off about the lack of attention to my case. The way I saw it though, the less fuss the easier it would be to get these guys.

Nana arrived with some clothes I asked her to bring me. I had no idea what happened to the ones I was wearing when I was brought in.

"Ah, Ziskeit, my poor baby," Nana hugged me tight causing me to groan. "Oh! Noah, honey, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Nana, just still a little sore." I smiled at her and slipped off the bed.

I gathered the clothes she had brought me and headed for the bathroom. "I'll be right back, Nana."

I heard the door open and I assumed it was Kurt. It was confirmed when I heard Nana exclaim, "Khaver, there you are!"

When I came out the two were sitting side by side talking and laughing. It made my heart beat faster to see them getting along so well.

They didn't notice me at first, but then Kurt looked up and smiled. "So I take it the doctor said you could leave?"

"Ya, the nurse is supposed to bring my release papers, prescription, and notes for school and then we can get outta here."

"Okay Noah. My dad towed your truck from school to the shop. He didn't want anyone to mess with it plus I think he wanted to fix a few things."

"He doesn't have to do that!"

"I know, but there's no telling Burt Hummel what to do, well, not at the shop anyway. At home, he's a total pushover." Kurt was giggling that musical sounding giggle again.

"We can go pick it up later. I'll get Sarah after school, that way Nana can get home before traffic starts."

"No can do. It's not ready yet. I was thinking, if it's okay with you, I would just stay with you and then get Sarah after school. I promised her an outfit for the dance tomorrow night. It's her first one."

Nana laughed, "My little eyniklekh has your lyubovnik wrapped around her finger, Noah."

"Ya, I can see that. Lucky her!"

"Don't be like that Noah." Kurt hit my arm lightly. "Do you want help putting on your shoes?"

"Yes, please. I tried before, but it pulls on my ribs too much to bend that way." It felt weird to ask for help with something so simple. I should be the one who takes care of everyone, not the other way around.

The nurse came in just as Kurt was tying my laces. They made me ride in a stupid wheelchair to the exit, something about hospital policy or some bullshit. I was starting to get grumpy, I really just wanted to go home and see what kinda mess there was.

Nana kissed Kurt and me before making me promise to call if I needed anything.

Kurt helped me into the Navigator and we set off for my place. I hoped Sarah had remembered to pick up her crap and that there wouldn't be a huge mess for Kurt to see. When I mentioned it he told me yesterday when he went to get Sarah the place was spotless so I relaxed.

Nana had told me about Ma while we were visiting this morning. I hoped Ma would get help, but I knew this would just be one more time. It would last for a month or so but then she'd be back to her old self. I didn't have the energy to care anymore. As long as she left me and Sarah alone, I didn't give a shit what she did. I had decided this morning that wherever I wound up going after graduation, I'd take Sarah. My Nana was too old to take her full time and hell would freeze over before I'd leave her alone with Ma. I guessed at some point I'd have to talk with Kurt about the future but I knew I was getting way too far ahead of myself. I hadn't even taken him out on a first date yet and I was already planning on stalking him across state lines with a kid. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. 'One thing at a time' was what I had to keep reminding myself.

XXXXXXX

By the time we arrived at my place I was a little nervous. The whole way I couldn't remember where I lived or any of the streets we were on. It was kinda freaky. As soon as I walked in the door though I knew this was my home and where everything was. That just freaked me out more. It's weird to know things without remembering but then have a hard time with other things that should be simple.

I slipped off my shoes and hung up my jacket. I reached for Kurt's jacket and hung it up before pulling him into my arms.

"Finally, I have you alone, Princess." I lowered my head to kiss him.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me back, short-circuiting my brain a bit. If I had been paying more attention I would've heard the noises or smelled the smells around me, but I was too wrapped up in Kurt.

I pushed him up against the wall and he jumped up wrapping his long-ass legs around my waist gently. Letting the wall support most of our weight, I groaned into the kiss; this was more like it! None of that gentle crap I was getting at the hospital.

I trailed kisses along his jaw and down his neck, biting at his collarbone. "I want you so bad, Princess. Tell me to stop if you need me to 'cause I don't think I can on my own."

"AW-HELL-TO-THE-NO!"

Kurt jumped and squeaked in my arms, before sliding his legs down and pushing on my chest. We both turned to find five girls all wearing very different expressions.

"What the Fu-" Kurt slapped his hand over my mouth before I could finish the question.

"Noah," he hissed, "Don't make it worse."

I watched him compose himself and straighten his shirt before stepping around me. I narrowed my eyes at the smile he plastered on his face.

"Sadie, Ladies, what are you all doing here this afternoon?" His tone was nonchalant.

"White boy don't even think about playin' me! What the hell was that?" The diva appeared to be working up a fit.

"What was what, Mercedes?" I had to chuckle at the innocent inflection of his tone.

I wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder. "Babe, why are there all these people interrupting our alone time?" I teased.

"Babe!" hollered Mercedes.

Santana busted up laughing. "I told you Mohawk Wonder! I told you Weezy was gonna go all crazy on your culo."

A blonde girl next to her giggled, "Sanny, don't pick on poor Puck." Then she stepped up to Kurt and pulled him into her arms. "I missed you Kurtie," she grinned before kissing my boy.

It was kinda hot but then it started to bother me. "Hey!" I pulled Kurt back to me, "he's mine!"

Kurt and the blonde just giggled.

"Noah, Brittany is Santana's girlfriend – remember?" Kurt grinned as he fixed Britt's ponytail.

"Hi Puck," Britt smiled. "We've been cleaning for you. Q and Rach did the shopping and some dinners for the week."

"Hey Brittany, I remember you, plus I have the stories the others told me over the last couple of days to help. Things are just coming back in bits and pieces."

"It's okay, Sanny says Kurtie is gonna make you all better. Kurtie has the softest baby hands and he always helps me remember my homework so you're in good hands."

I smiled at the girl's logic. "Thank you." I opened my arms and she moved in for a hug before going back to Santana's side.

"I like the new Puck, Sanny, he gives good hugs now."

Santana smirked over at us. "Wonder what else he's good at now?"

"Santana!" screeched the small brunette girl next to her. I knew that must have been Rachel, a fact that was confirmed a moment later when she attached herself to my side.

"Noah," she hugged me gently from the side, "I am so glad you are alright. We simply couldn't do without your voice for sectionals, as it is we're already behind. Also, I purchased several kosher items for you and Sarah and I've been showing Quinn how to prepare them properly so don't worry."

My head was spinning with how fast she was talking but the others seemed to be used to it and just rolled their eyes.

Just as I looked up my eyes locked with the other blonde in the room. She stood with her head slightly tilted.

"Um, Quinn?" I looked to Kurt for confirmation. He nodded before turning to the girl.

"I'm surprised to find you here, Miss Fabray." I didn't think I'd heard that icy tone from him yet.

"Why wouldn't I be here, Mr. Hummel?" She arched an eyebrow at him, tone just as frosty.

They seemed to be in some sort of staring contest that was starting to make me a little uncomfortable until Quinn snorted and broke down laughing. Kurt's musical laugh joined hers as he rushed forward and picked her up into his arms and twirled her around.

"You almost had me Quinny. You shoulda held out longer."

"I tried but then I caught a glimpse of Noah's expression over your shoulder and I couldn't." She hugged him more tightly.

"Someone wanna tell me what's goin' on?" I asked carefully.

Rachel chimed in. "They always do that. They act like total divas to each other until one of them breaks down laughing. It is the equivalent of a staring contest, if you will."

Kurt moved Quinn closer to me before taking my hand. "Noah," he said softly, "Quinn is the mother of your child, Beth, remember?"

I was flooded with memories as I stood there. I remembered not really liking Quinn very much before or during the pregnancy really, but I also remembered how she had come around in the end and we'd actually started to be friends. For the life of me though I couldn't remember what Beth looked like and it began to bother me.

"Here, Noah." Rachel pulled out her phone and scrolled through some pictures. I must have said that out loud.

"There you are with Beth and Shelby, Beth's adoptive mother." She scrolled to another one, "Here's one of you, Beth and Sarah at temple." Rachel smiled up at me.

I took the phone in my hand. In my mind I could suddenly see the day Beth was born, Mercedes and I had been there. I smiled up at Quinn. "Oh, I remember. Pictures seem to help jog my memory."

She hugged me from the other side as Rachel still had a grip on me.

"Okay, as touching as all this memory lane stuff is – it still don't explain why you had my Boo up against that wall inspecting his molars with your tongue, White Boy!"

"Sadie, be nice!" Kurt took her hand. "Things have changed between Noah and me, and I would appreciate it if you would give him a chance, please, for me?" He batted those baby blues at the girl.

Mercedes stared at him for a moment. "You better know what you're doin' Boo," she sighed. "As for you," she glared at me."You hurt one tiny hair on his head, for any reason, and I'll make your last hospital stay look like a trip to Disneyland, ya feel me?"

"Yup, got it." I looked around the room at all the girls. "I just want you all to know something though, this relationship, with Kurt and me, it's something I've wanted for a long, long time but I just couldn't seem to get over myself enough to do something about it. I'm changing that now and I hope that you all will give me a chance."

Quinn moved to Mercedes side and hugged the girl. "Mercy I don't think he's ever sounded that sincere about anything other than Sarah. Let's cut him some slack."

"Fine!"

"Yea!" Rachel exclaimed as she finally removed herself from my side to latch onto Mercedes. This just caused the ebony diva to roll her eyes.

"Well, as fun as this has been," Kurt clapped his hands. "I need to go get Sarah from school in a bit and take her to the mall."

"Shopping? Why didn't ya say so Boo? Let's get a move on."

XXXXXX

When we pulled up to Sarah's school I was still shaking my head. Apparently Kurt's announcement turned into everyone joining us. Quinn, Santana and Brittany were in the third seat, Rachel and Mercedes in the middle – with room for Sarah, and I was up front with Kurt.

I stepped out of the SUV just in time to catch Sarah in a hug. Lucky for me Kurt had seen this and moved to lessen the blow to my ribs.

"Sar-bear, ya gotta be careful kiddo. I'm not one hundred percent yet." I reluctantly released her to Kurt.

"Sorry Noey!"

"Come on you two, we still have to get to the mall and then find something acceptable." I watched as Kurt bundled her off into the car.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You okay?"

I grinned back. "Never better." Then I stole a kiss before opening my own door.

XXXXXX

The mall wasn't that bad. The girls were babying me quite a bit and I was enjoying the attention, causing Kurt to smirk and roll his eyes often. Sarah wanted a great outfit and some new shoes. She seemed overjoyed with all the attention herself.

"Mija, who is the boy you are dressin' up for?" Santana asked with a wink.

"Umm, no one, why?" Sarah stammered.

"Oh, no, honey you can't fool me!"

"Shhh! Tana! You want Noey to hear you? He'll never let me go to the dance if he does." Sarah stomped her foot and crossed her arms.

"Too late, Squirt. I already heard." I moved around the corner to look at both of them. "What's this about a boy?" I growled.

"Nooeeeyyyy," she whined.

"Sarah I found this cute little…" Kurt stopped mid-sentence and looked at Tana, then me, and finally at Sarah. "What's wrong? Why do you look like you're gonna cry, sweetie?" I watched him pull her close and smooth her hair back.

"Noey's not gonna let me go to the dance," she sniffled dramatically.

It sounded off to me though. I narrowed my eyes and almost missed the smirk on Tana's face. I was just about to say something when Kurt pushed the dress he held into Sarah's hand and shoved her and Santana toward the dressing room.

"Tana help Sarah try this one, please."

He turned to me and took my hand. I started to pull away but he pointed those eyes at me and I couldn't. I let him lead me over to the chairs.

"Noah, I know you're in charge of Sarah," he started.

"Damn right," I growled loudly.

He squeezed my hand. "Hear me out, okay?" I nodded for him to continue. "Like I said I know you're in charge and take Sarah's well-being seriously, but there comes a time when you have to let go just a bit." He held a hand up when I started to say something. "Sarah is a good girl; with a good head on her shoulders and you taught her right from wrong. If she's not sharing this with you one hundred percent it must mean this boy is special. So before you go growling and throwing out ultimatums maybe you could take a breath and speak to her like a normal person."

I looked at him closely. "You knew, didn't you? You knew this was all about a boy?"

Kurt smiled. "Ya, I figured it out with the way she was talking about the dance and needing it to be perfect. There's only ever one reason for that."

I rubbed my hands over my face. "I'm not ready for this. She's just a baby."

"Noah she's young, but not a baby anymore. All I'm saying is talk to her - don't yell, don't growl – talk. You're the most important person in her life, the only father she's ever known. Let her know she can always count on you and she won't keep secrets."

"I'll try. I'm not promising anything, but, I'll try."

He threw his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. "Thank you! That's all I ask."

"Besides," I decided to press my advantage, "We need to tell her we're dating anyway. It'll be just the perfect time, over dinner. She can spill about the boy and we can tell her about us."

"Are you trying to blackmail me, Puckerman?" His eyes narrowed.

"Now Princess, don't think of it like that. Let's just say it's a mutually beneficial arrangement."

I almost laughed as his eyebrow arched. "Oh, I see… are you sure you want to do this?"

"Oh Princess," I pulled him closer to whisper against his mouth. "There is nothing about you I don't want to do."

He made this adorable little squeak before I pressed our lips together. A flash broke the kiss apart way too soon for my liking.

"Aww, you two are so cute together." Quinn and Rachel were standing there with their phones taking pictures.

Kurt groaned into my shoulder. I just laughed.

"Kurtie? Noey? What do you think?" Sarah walked out of the dressing room in pale yellow dress.

Kurt rushed to stand behind her and faced the mirror. I watched as he fussed with the sleeves for a moment before he started to arrange her hair.

"We should leave it down, maybe straighten it? Then I can do a braid like a crown with the top part. What do you think?"

Sarah nodded her head enthusiastically. She looked into mirror at me. "Noe?"

I had to clear my throat. "You-you look amazing Sarah, just the most beautiful girl that ever went to a dance." The smile she sent me made my eyes water.

"Come on Sarah," Mercedes and Quinn took her hands. "Let's go find some shoes to match."

"Wait for me!" Rachel scrambled after them.

"Ya, I'm gonna go find Britt." Santana grinned before taking off.

Sarah got the dress and shoes and a new jacket Kurt insisted she needed because it would be chilly in the evening and she didn't own anything to match. I thought he just liked dressing someone up who didn't question him but I just kept that to myself.

When we arrived back home, the girls all said their goodbyes and headed home. Kurt went into the kitchen to make dinner and Sarah ran off to put away her new stuff. I sat down and grabbed the journals that were on the table.

Kurt came back and sat down. "We have about twenty minutes until dinner is ready, just waiting for the potatoes to boil. Do you want to read some more?"

"Will you read to me?"

"I know you can read Noah," he hedged for me to explain.

"I just like to hear you read, plus, I kinda get lost when the memories come back."

XXXXXXX

**June 18, 2005.** Hey Journal. I had a great day yesterday! Me and Sarah hung out with Kurt and his dad all day and then got to spend the night!

I got a call from Kurt in the morning when I feeding Sar-bear and he said his dad would come get us and take us to a movie and lunch if we wanted. I was so excited I even showered AND washed behind my ears! HA!

Mr. H looked kinda funny when he picked us up. He asked where my Ma was. I told him she was at work but I don't really know where she is. We haven't seen her in a couple of days but I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later. He was surprised I take care of Sarah on my own but I told him I've been doing it since I was nine so I'm really good at it. He asked if anyone helped me. I told him the neighbor watches Sarah during the day when I'm at school and Nana comes on the weekends, plus I always have Carole if I need something. He didn't look happy but then he gave me a business card with the phone number of the shop and said I could call him anytime for anything. I think he's about the coolest guy ever. Kurt's pretty lucky Mr. H is his dad.

I had dressed Sarah and packed my backpack with bottles, diapers and a change of clothes (just in case) before they got to the house so we could leave. Mr. H asked if we wanted to have a sleepover, he didn't feel right with us being home alone. Kurt got real excited at the idea. He said we could stay up and watch scary movies. I normally don't like scary movies but I figured if it made Kurt smile then I wouldn't complain. I ran back to my room and grabbed pj's for me and Sarah and a few more diapers.

We went to the diner and had burgers that were awesome! I put Sarah in a highchair like Nana showed me and gave her part of my fries along with some fruit we ordered for her. During lunch Sarah threw a grape at me and hit me in the head. I thought Mr. H might get mad but then Kurt started laughing his fool head off and before I knew we were all laughing like crazy.

Mr. H took us to see The Pacifier with Vin Diesel. It was super cool! This guy he's a total badass ninja guy and he's taking care of all these kids. I told Kurt that was totally me and he giggled like crazy. I like when he giggles it sounds like the wind chimes at Nana's house. Mr. H let us share a big popcorn but said Sarah was too little she could choke. He got her some red vines. I told him she was gonna make a mess but he told me we were young, gotta live it up a little sometimes. I thought that was pretty cool. Sarah wound up falling asleep half way through the movie once Kurt let her hold the dolly she liked from the park. I told Kurt thanks for being so cool with her. Finn's like the only one who really wants to play with me most days because I always have Sarah with me but Kurt says he likes Sarah almost as much as he likes me. That made me smile real big and get those butterflies in my tummy again but I'm getting used to that when Kurt's around.

After the movie we went to Kurt's place. I had left a note in case Ma showed up but Mr. H insisted on trying to call. There was no answer but I didn't expect there to be. I felt bad that he seemed disappointed so I told him he could call Carole if he wanted. She always answers the phone and she could talk to him about me if he wanted. He said he would do just that and let us know that we were gonna order pizza for dinner. Kurt didn't seem happy with that idea and said he could cook something, I even offered to help telling him that I cook for me and Sarah every day. Mr. H said we should take the night off and just enjoy being kids. I didn't understand what he meant really but Kurt seemed to go along with it so I just brushed it off. We played a couple of board games and Kurt let Sarah color with this cool art set he had. When I watch him help her with something or just hug her I get those butterflies too – I really kinda like it.

Dinner was awesome but I got nervous about the scary movie. I didn't want to seem like a baby so I didn't say anything but Kurt showed me the movie was _Goonies_ and I relaxed. I hadn't seen it but the cover had kids on it so I thought it couldn't be that bad. The movie was more funny than scary but it had a few moments that made us jump. When the skeleton came out Kurt grabbed my hand and scooted closer on the couch. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders like I do when Sarah has bad dreams and he just smiled at me. Sarah fell asleep on the floor so after the movie I carried her with us to Kurt's room. I made her a bed on the floor because she rolls around a lot and I didn't want her to fall off. Kurt's bed was a lot bigger than mine and she usually sleeps near the wall when she's in my bed. When we were all laying down Kurt thanked me for coming over which just surprised me. I told him me and Sarah were the thankful ones, that it was Sarah's first movie and first time eating pizza. Then he said he didn't have many friends so that's why he was happy we hung out. I don't get why he doesn't have any friends Kurt is terrific but when I told him that he seemed to get sad. I didn't want him to be sad so I started telling him these silly jokes until he started to laugh. He kissed me on the cheek and told me goodnight before he turned over and went to sleep. I laid there for a while thinking about the whole day. I decided if Kurt didn't have any friends then I was gonna have to fix that. I knew I could count on Finn to help me.

I don't think I have slept that good in a long time. In the morning me and Kurt made waffles and I decided that from now on waffles are going to be my favorite food ever. We hung out and played for most of the morning but then I noticed the time and told Mr. H I had to get home so we could get dressed for temple with Nana. I didn't want to leave Kurt and I think Sarah felt the same way 'cause she whined and cried most of the way home and didn't want to let go of Kurt's hand. I told her we would see him soon but it didn't really help.

Nana was at the house when we got there so I told Kurt I would show him around since I didn't do that the day before. I could kinda tell Mr. H and Nana wanted to talk. Kurt thinks Sarah's room is too plain for such a pretty baby and that made me smile. When he saw my room he just shook his head and said I was such a boy. Not really sure what that means because we're both boys but then I thought he might be teasing me cause his eyes were all sparkly and his cheeks were pink. I think it's pretty when he blushes.

After Kurt and his dad left me and Nana took Sarah to temple. It was a really good day! I'm gonna ask Finn if he wants to go to the park and play with Kurt on Monday. Hopefully he'll say yes.

I'm gonna go to bed now. Good night Journal.

Noah

XXXXXX

I didn't realize he stopped reading. I was lost in the memory. That night I waited until Kurt fell asleep and then I rolled over and stared at him for a very long time. He was just so perfect. I remembered reaching out and touching his cheek and how soft it was. I scooted closer to him and tried to breathe in that clean, fresh smell he had. I was almost eleven and since no one had talked to me about this things I had no idea what was happening to my body but I liked it. I liked the way I felt and really liked that I only felt that way around Kurt. It made the feeling even more special.

"Noah?" Kurt placed his hand on my thigh bringing me back to the present. "Are you okay?"

I snorted and grinned at him. "You wanna know what I remembered that I didn't write in my journal about that night?"

Blue sparkly eyes turned to me and he nodded.

"That night was the first time Puckzilla ever stood at attention." I chuckled at his surprised expression. "All because I touched your cheek while you slept and smelled you."

"What?!"

"Yup, I scooted closer once you fell asleep," I acted out everything as I said it, getting close enough to smush him into the side of the couch. "Then I leaned in and touched your cheek." I ran the back of my hand down that same soft cheek. "And I got my nose real close to where your neck and shoulder meet before breathing in deeply." I dragged my nose along his jaw towards his ear and then down as I spoke.

I felt the shudder that went through his body and it made me smile.

"You still always smell the same: fresh and clean." I pressed small kisses to whatever flesh I could get to.

I heard him moan softly but before I could say anything else he grabbed my head and kissed me. That kiss was fierce and I didn't know he had it in him to kiss like that but I probably shouldn't have assumed anything. I let myself relax into it as our tongues dueled for control.

I wasn't sure how we wound up with him laid out on the couch and me on top of him but when Sarah coughed to get our attention we were both blushing.

"So…," Sarah smirked, "Does this mean you two are finally together?"

I looked at Kurt and he nodded slightly. "Ya, Small Fry it does. That okay?"

Her brown eyes glowed with happiness. "It most certainly is not okay! It freakin' spectacular!" I watched as she launched herself at Kurt. "Besides I like Kurtie so much more than you anyway." She stuck her tongue out at me from within the circle of his arms.

"Sarah!" Kurt tried for stern but failed completely and wound up laughing instead.

"Shit, you're both gonna gang up on me now." I groaned playfully as I fell back against the couch.

"Noah that's nothing new, dear," Kurt beamed.

Sarah giggled. "Ya, dear!"

I growled at them both. "Didn't someone say they were gonna feed me?"

I watched the two of them walk away laughing. I felt better than I ever had in that moment.


End file.
